10 SUREFIRE SIGNS YOU’RE A MOTHER
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10 Surefire signs you’re a mother (aside from the small person grabbing at your leg)
1. Without doubt there’s always a bit of biscuit, a loose rice cake or a lone sock lurking at the bottom of your handbag (and more often than not, all three).
2. ‘What do you say?’ has become your most-used phrase. Similarly, you’ve caught yourself telling your 7-month old baby to say thank you after giving him a biscuit.
3. You haven’t had a long, uninterrupted phone-call since the day before your first child was born.
4. Having stepped on it,
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slept on it and rescued it from several small mouths, you’re seriously wondering why lego doesn’t come with a health and safety warning.
5. Once upon a time you’d quite happily dance ‘til dawn (or at least until closing). But, these days the last time you were up at 3am was with a sickly child.
6. Usually, happy hour is the time between the children going to bed and you following them not so long after. But, on the occasions when you do have a night out, recovering from it takes almost as long as it does from giving birth.
7. You wonder
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what on earth it was you used to do with your time.
8. You can’t watch One Born Every Minute/a John Lewis Christmas ad/a charity appeal without welling up. And as for gritty crime dramas involving missing children? You just don’t go there.
9. Having denied it for oh so long, after having small boys, you have to admit it – loud farts really are quite funny.
10. Your specialist subject on Mastermind would be a toss-up between Octonauts and Peppa Pig. And you’d ace every question.
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Alex Gorton - 23 Aug 14
10 Surefire signs you’re a mother (aside from the small person grabbing at your leg)
1. Without doubt there’s always a bit of biscuit, a loose rice cake or a lone sock lurking at the bottom of your handbag (and more often than not, all three).
2. ‘What do you say?’ has become your most-used phrase. Similarly, you’ve caught yourself telling your 7-month old baby to say thank you after giving him a biscuit.
3. You haven’t had a long, uninterrupted phone-call since the day before your first child was born.
4. Having stepped on it, slept on it and rescued it from several small mouths, you’re seriously wondering why lego doesn’t come with a health and safety warning.
5. Once upon a time you’d quite happily dance ‘til dawn (or at least until closing). But, these days the last time you were up at 3am was with a sickly child.
6. Usually, happy hour is the time between the children going to bed and you following them not so long after. But, on the occasions when you do have a night out, recovering from it takes almost as long as it does from giving birth.
7. You wonder what on earth it was you used to do with your time.
8. You can’t watch One Born Every Minute/a John Lewis Christmas ad/a charity appeal without welling up. And as for gritty crime dramas involving missing children? You just don’t go there.
9. Having denied it for oh so long, after having small boys, you have to admit it – loud farts really are quite funny.
10. Your specialist subject on Mastermind would be a toss-up between Octonauts and Peppa Pig. And you’d ace every question.
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Former Travel Editor at Conde Nast Brides (yes, that job rocked), Alex Gorton writes on style, travel and life for The Daily Telegraph, Conde Nast Traveller, The Financial Times and her awesome webzine Wear & Where. She lives in London with her husband Will and 3 boys, Freddie (4), Sam (2) and Isaac (8 months).
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