1. Multi-Tasking Wins The Day

Nothing teaches you how to multi-task better than having a kid. Soon after my son was born, I dared to attempt a work call. All did not go well when a few minutes in, baby awoke in his usual manner of screaming the place down. A screaming child does not, funnily enough, respond well to my pleas of “Darling, Mummy just needs 5 minutes to do some work.”

Once I realised what mattered most to him (milk), life changed and I was able to get more done, more quickly. Instead of doing everything in a linear fashion, us mums have to be more productive and therefore we learn the art of doing several things at once, ninja-style, before the next feed/nappy explosion interrupts proceedings. So for all those out there who don’t believe multi-tasking can be done, I say, “Watch a mum for a day!”

2. Only Option = Success

The birth of my son was not the best it could have been. At one point, 12 hours into labour, a group of unidentified people rushed in exclaiming, “We have 15 minutes to get him out.” It was at that very moment that I realised that all the books in the world can’t prepare you for what is the reality of parenthood. An emergency caesarean was hastily signed off by a rather exhausted, and anxious, mummy-to-be.

Then came the cruelest blow – despite being told numerous times before birth that your baby should immediately be placed on your bare skin to help with bonding — I was now being told that I couldn’t hold him because I was still shaking following the anaesthetic. I now felt robbed of the two jobs I was supposed to do. Once home, I fell apart. The lack of sleep, the pain, the inability to have even given birth to my own son made me feel like a failure. But one look into a baby’s eyes is all you need to know that everything we do, or do not do, directly affects those we give life to, and failure is simply not an option. We all do our best and that is good enough.

3. The Art of Compromise

Everything throughout your child’s younger years will be about compromise, whether it’s you cutting deals with a tantruming toddler or trying to negotiate some time out for yourself to work/cook/catch up on household chores. Sometimes the TV will go on for 30 mins before dinner vs child running amok in kitchen. Other times, you will let them sleep that little extra in the afternoon knowing full well you may pay for it at bedtime. It’s just sometimes, a short-term gain is totally necessary.

And compromise is good — and an awesome skill to use in all areas of life. It is about negotiating, learning what to accept and, equally, about when to push back too. This can apply to kids, work and most importantly, us mums. In the beginning, I might not have washed my hair for three days but I kept my newborn alive so… I win!

4. Hello Patience

Ahhh, the P word. If there is anything I have learned in the last four years it is most certainly the art of patience. I didn’t know what patience was before having a kid. Now, I am far more patient with nearly all things — friends, family, work. In fact, my son has taught me how to be patient.

Whether it’s down to countless trips we make to the same places so that he can see the same thing again (London Transport Museum) or the incessant questions about literally EVERYTHING whilst eating dinner (thus taking 1 hour+) – all these things which would have driven me crazy ten years ago, I now take in my stride. Kinda.

5. Everything Is There To Be Discovered

As we get older, we lose our natural curiosity in the world around us. Our lives become hurried journeys from A to B, and back to A again, and we forget to stop and take in what matters.

Watching my son find awe in anything and everything has been wonderful to witness and re-opened a world which I had almost forgotten. I also now appreciate the importance of asking, “Why?” and, as adults, think it wouldn’t hurt if we all took a cue from our kids and asked the same more often.

6. Realising No One is Perfect

I swear my son’s first sentence was “Get off the phone Mummy.” OK, that might not strictly be true (in fact his first word was actually ”happy”) but his request that I put down my phone certainly came early on in his life, and took me by surprise. I had become accustomed to taking my phone everywhere with me and should I have a second to spare, I was on it — it felt like it was my way of staying in touch with some kind of normality.

I often checked Twitter (work), Instagram (reminding myself how the more glamorous lived), Facebook (keeping up with what my family and friends were doing) and Daily Mail (we all have our vices — please don’t judge). Of course, none of these things were important but after days on end of singing “The Wheels on The Bus” and shaking tambourines in music class, I felt I was owed some down time in between feeds, nappy changes and tears. Looking back, I realise my clutching on to some form of normality was my way of keeping sane and if that makes me a bad mum, so be it. Nobody’s perfect.

7. How Important is Important?

I still find it hard to say “No” to work things. Sometimes people just want to grab coffee and get advice, other times they want to catch up over drinks in the evening, or for me to talk at an event. As an advocate for more women in tech, I always did what I could because I think visibility is important but having a child has taught me a great deal about perspective — and now, I ask myself, “Is this thing I am saying yes to more important than doing x with my kid?” It turns out it’s a pretty good barometer for working out what’s important vs not necessary.

8. One Purpose Isn’t Always Enough

Probably the greatest lesson I have learned from motherhood is about having purpose. Being a mum was not enough for me — like always, I wanted more. I wanted to make him proud of me and I wanted to have something for myself, which wasn’t connected to being a mum. So, I decided to write a book.

The journey of writing kept me going through the early months of being a new mum and, every night I worked on it until it was finished. I don’t recommend that all mums do this but but I know it saved me* and has, in turn, helped me find a new career which enables me to spend more time with my son (win win).

9. Our Strength is Our Super Power

Travelling in an ambulance with a sick child is all you need to realise that us mums have an inner strength that makes us super human. When you think you have given all you have got something can, and most likely will, happen which makes you realise you have more in reserve, and that is extremely empowering.

Or, as Eleanor Roosevelt put it, “A woman is like a tea bag — you can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.”

10. Deep Love

I have no doubt in my mind that I suffered postnatal depression*, and continue to deal with it even four years on. Having a child changes you in so many ways — and some changes are harder to accept than others. But one thing I am certain of — my son means everything to me and the love I have for him is like nothing on earth.

“No language can express the power, and beauty, and heroism, and majesty of a mother’s love. It shrinks not where man cowers, and grows stronger where man faints.” Edwin Hubbell Chapin