10 Tips to Start a New Life After Divorce

Rachael Pace - 6 Sep 19

Going through a divorce is like going through a war. Figuratively, of course. There are casualties, heartbreak, and a lot of battles in your future after separating with a long-time spouse. But once the papers are signed and the divorce is final, it’s time to start moving on.

Moving on is much easier said than done. After all, you had devoted your life to this person who is now in your rear-view mirror. You had promised to love each other, you put your blood, sweat, and tears into making your marriage work. Now that it’s over, you’re left feeling empty and unsure of yourself.

Starting a new life after divorce is not easy, but it is essential. You can move on and live a happy, rewarding, fulfilling life after a breakup. Here are 10 tips for moving on after a divorce.

1. Mourn the Loss of your Marriage

Contrary to what books and movies would have you believe, getting over a divorce is not as easy as moping around for a couple of months or taking an eye-opening trip overseas. No, in real life, divorce is a miserable journey that starts slow and takes potentially years to fully get over.
Do not force yourself to resume your life as you once knew it if you aren’t ready. Take the appropriate time to grieve the loss of the person who is no longer in your life.

2. Get to Know Yourself Again

Self-love is important in your journey to starting a new life after divorce. And you can’t very well love yourself if you don’t even know yourself. When was the last time you went on a date with yourself? If you were in a long marriage, it has probably been awhile.
Instead of looking at your divorce as a negative, view it as a positive opportunity to get to know yourself better. What are the hobbies, dreams, and passions you haven’t been able to pursue in a long time?

3. Figure Out Your Finances

In a survey about finances, the majority of participants said they would rather reveal how much they weigh than tell people how much money was in their savings account. But for someone who has just gone through a divorce, avoiding the money-talk is out of the question!
Now that you’re living alone and supporting yourself on a single-salary again, it’s time to start talking dollars. Get your ex’s name off of all your accounts, settle up joint debt, and start establishing credit on your own. You will love being in control of your own finances.

4. Talk it Out

Divorce can leave you feeling extremely conflicted. You may feel like your spouse is a terrible monster who broke your family apart or quite the opposite – you may be depressed, heartbroken, and wishing to get them back.
You may feel like your ex did everything wrong and they didn’t try hard enough or you might feel like you were not sexual, attractive, or upbeat enough to keep your partner’s attention. These emotions can be confusing, so it helps to talk it out. Whether you do so with close friends or with a therapist or counsellor is completely up to you.

5. Do Things That Inspire You

You can start keeping a diary of emotions, or go out and find the hobbies that used to inspire you. Start exercising, learn a new language – take classes online with your local university and start a new career! For the first time in a long time, your whole future is laying out in front of you and you have complete control of your destiny.

6. Rebuild Your Self-Esteem

Your emotions will be a rollercoaster ride throughout your divorce and can leave your self-esteem in the dumps. One of the biggest tips for starting over after separation is to build yourself back up.
Self-esteem brings with it confidence and resilience that can get you through the tough healing phase of getting through a divorce.
You can build self-esteem by setting reasonable goals for yourself. For example, saying “I’m going to socialize with friends tonight” and following through can feel like a huge accomplishment after going through a painful divorce.

Rachael Pace

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