10 words that have a new meaning now I’m a mother

Kate Chapman - 10 Mar 15

1. Holiday
This was once a chance to unwind, relax, lie on the beach, read a book (without pictures) completely uninterrupted and generally let life pass you by for a few days. Now it’s a non-stop whirlwind of zoo visits, trips to theme parks, building sandcastles, craft activities, mitigating tantrums, tiredness and more. Once you arrive home, well, you could do with a holiday (as described above) to help you recover.

2. Parties
Once upon a time these happened when it was dark, and you would have actual conversations with other grown up people, eat, dance, drink and generally be merry without having to worry about getting up early the next day (see above). Now you have children, they are invited to more parties than you. And instead of being held in nice bars they are in hellish soft play centres and draughty village halls. There is no nice Pinot to quaff or Waitrose nibbles – instead there are 50 little people running amok on a sugar high.

3. Wine
This used to be drunk in rather large quantities after work midweek, on Friday nights to help herald in the weekend, and Saturdays, well, because it was the weekend. Now whine (see what I did there) is something your children do every five seconds when they don’t get their own way.

4. Lie-in
Wasn’t it great to lie in on the weekend? Those blissfully lazy mornings just reading the papers, catching up on some television or just sleeping until midday… without someone small bouncing on your head, or throwing all the covers off to look for their stuffed giraffe? Now, you still have a lie-in, except it’s different. Anything past 6am is considered a ‘lie-in’ in and should you make it to 8am on your allocated weekend morning… well, hang out the bunting. Result!

5. Shots
These were also probably necked in large quantities by your younger self on more raucous nights out. Whenever anyone mentions the word ‘shots’ now parents recoil in fear, knowing a trip to the doctors for their baby’s jabs is one of the most horrendous experiences parenthood has to throw at the new mum.

6. Pepper
Previously known as a condiment to flavour food, Peppa, depending on which camp you fall into, now either means the world’s most annoying cartoon character ever, or the cute porcine one who makes your little one snort with glee whenever they see her.

7. Referee
Previously known as someone who oversees /or adjudicates at sporting matches and events. Now it is me. With two under fives, like most mothers with more than one child in their charge I spend the majority of my waking hours keeping them in order and stopping them squabbling over who picked up the toy tractor / doll / guitar first, before the other hits their sibling over the head with the aforementioned item.

8. Tired
This was how you used to feel following another hectic week at work. But motherhood brings a whole different kind of tired. Nothing can prepare you for the zombie-like state you will find yourself in after an all-nighter with a screaming baby or vomiting toddler to tend. Take heart from the fact we’ve all been there, at our lowest ebb, putting the milk in the oven, the teabags in the kettle and feeding your children cat food. Now to those ladies who work full time AND have a baby-up all night,

9. Naps
This was once something you did to recharge your batteries on a weekend afternoon after a busy week at work, and before a big night out. You might even have called it a Disco Nap. A pleasant way to spend a couple of hours undoubtedly. Now you are a parent, naps still feature highly in your life… just not for you. These are now something you’ll spend the next three years of your life trying to get your baby / toddler to do every day, so you can get on with boring things like tidying up. Why don’t we just take naps ourselves I often wonder?

10. Love
Before children I used to love shoe shopping, hanging out with my friends and spending time with the man in my life. Having a child puts all that in a spin but also brings with it a completely new, overwhelming sense to the emotion which quite literally sets you at the top of the world. You thought you knew love before, but parenthood brings a whole new meaning to the word – when that tiny hand reaches out and grabs yours for the first time, there really is nothing like the unconditional love between a mother and her child.

Kate Chapman

Kate Chapman is a freelance journalist writing for a variety of national and regional newspapers and magazines. Her work has appeared in Woman's Weekly, Closer, Sunday Mirror, Sunday Express, Countryside, Lincolnshire Life and Farmers Weekly. Married to a Lincolnshire farmer, she is mum to Nancy (7) and Peter (6). Her hobbies include running, baking and chocolate (only does the first so she can have the second).

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