20’20’mg – Coming off antidepressants during lockdown

Gemma Richards - 16 Jun 20

This isn’t my first rodeo. In fact I’ve come off of antidepressants several times.

In the past I have gone cold turkey – definitely wouldn’t recommend it. I’ve come off of them too soon – again, not ideal. Weaning myself off of medication through a pandemic – never.

So, how did I know I was ready? That in the midst of a pandemic of epic proportions and the largest we’ve seen for some years, that now would be exactly the right time to give it a go? Truth is, you never really know.

For anyone familiar with antidepressant medication, it’s the age old reverse causation theory. ‘I’m feeling better, maybe I’m ready to come off of the tablets?’, but ‘Do I only feel better because of the tablets?’ you’re stuck in a loop.

I felt ready to step out of that loop. 

Whilst the conditions of a full lockdown provided countless mental obstacles to overcome including the horrors of homeschooling, becoming suddenly housebound and ultimately fearful of the outside world, it also presented an opportunity for continual and consistent family support, with the majority of daily outside pressures removed. 

I am now entering my first week without any medication, my factory settings have been restored. It’s hard. I’m sure it’s psychosomatic that I feel all at sea and unable to control my emotions. Maybe I’ll require medication in the future, it has after all enabled me to build myself back up to the strong, capable and resilient person who was previously floundering beneath the self imposed weight of the world.

We are living in strange and uncertain times. We must be kind to ourselves and to each other, to understand that the overwhelm is real but not all consuming. Nobody knows what the future holds and in some ways that is what unites us. Our slates have been wiped clean and we are all starting over again. I can do this. We can do this.

Gemma Richards

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