28 sleep deprived weeks after baby no. 2

Vickster - 2 Mar 16

They said the second would be easier. ‘It’s less stressful’ they said. ‘You’re so much more laid back. Second babies are never as hard AND’ – this was the tonic to my gin – ‘they sleep sooooo much better than the first’. Oh I was thrilled to hear that news. Not that baby number one had been too bad – he was on and off from three months and consistently sleeping through by nine – but I’d not slept well towards the end of pregnancy and was very much looking forward to counselling new mum friends, ‘Oh yeaaaaah, the tiredness is reeaaaallly tough. Don’t worry though, second time round is a doddle’. As it turns out, I’m the one on my knees.

Last night I got three hours sleep. For two nights in a row before that I got none. I’m not exaggerating. Granted, she’s been ill and Google tells me you have to make allowances for that and maybe I could if the preceding ten months had been night after night of blissful unbroken sleep. But she’s pretty much got me beaten now.

I don’t know what to do. I feed her; she’s up again one hour later. We cuddle her, she screams as soon as she’s put down. We bring her into bed with us, she just fidgets and moans. My husband dared to suggest Crying It Out and as I couldn’t recall my own name by that point I agreed to give it a try, but our little nights-watchman outlasted us both. She faked it a few times by pretending to sleep but we soon realised she was just having a breather while she tag-teamed with her brother. The second he went down she was right back in.

The issue isn’t self settling – at bedtime she burrows like a snug little mouse (daytime naps are fine too). It’s staying asleep and getting her resettled once she’s awake that’s the problem. I’ve read all the articles on sleep training, none of them help. They all give reasons for waking that I don’t think we have, like teething or growth spurts or developmental landmarks. One woman on Mumsnet could have been me four months ago; she had a six month old bad sleeper with no health issues or any other obvious signs that would account for night time waking. The advice she got was so generic that it made me thump my laptop in disgust. Stop saying she isn’t hungry when she guzzles her night feeds or that we need a good bedtime routing when we already have one!! I’ve considered engaging with a sleep consultant but I reckon that would feel like failure. I’m also still half living with the hope that she’ll sort it out herself (that’s what happened with our son). Why won’t she just give it up???

Hmmm though… There’s a big part of me that doesn’t want to admit the obvious. I do still feed her at night and shock, horror, my little girl likes being held and breastfed (I’ll take that Nobel prize now thank you very much). She’s not six months old anymore and it probably has become habit. She’s a bonnie wee thing and eats plenty during the day so there really is no need for her to be hungry at night. I also genuinely believe she needs a good night’s sleep more than she needs comfort feeds from me, so I guess that means its back to crying it out which is annoying because I’m officially against it. I’m also against feeling like a murderous halfwit during the day though and as I’m back at work in a month I can use that as justification.

Cold turkey then; no more night feeds, no more little madam ruling the dark, no more caving in when she screams for two hours non-stop and hopefully just a week or so of pain in exchange for a lifetime of peace.

Until then I accept that my eyes will be saggy and my days will be very, very long.

Sleep, sleep – my fond friend. Till we meet again.

Vickster

Bemused mum of two with no idea how I get from one day to the next. A writer (until mat leave ends), a wife and a very lucky girl.

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