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View as: GRID LIST

3 IS THE MAGIC NUMBER

1
September 2001… I was laying in Kingston Hospital dazed and confused after a labour that had not turned out as I’d hoped (28+ hours plus an emergency c-section).

I found myself flummoxed when a mere 48 hours after this traumatic event a ’helpful’ midwife popped in to discuss my contraceptive choices going forward! Was she crazy, I wondered? I would absolutely never ever be having sex again full stop. How bloody insensitive of her to mention it.

Shockingly though, my vow of celibacy didn’t last. Roll forward to 2014, and I am the proud

SelfishMother.com
2
’owner’ of Tallulah 12, Theo 8 and Matilda 4. Women like me with 3 children, or more, often get asked what having multi-children is like… I don’t really believe there is an exact answer as everyone’s situation is so unique.

There is a beautiful greediness to having 3, to me it has always seemed like an extra piece of cake, not necessary but ever so delicious. Of course sometimes it’s like herding cats!

I think the biggest issue with it, is my own… and it comes back to that good old fashioned guilt. As my kids have grown older, I worry I’m

SelfishMother.com
3
not doing enough with each of them as individuals. When Tallulah was 4 she had a lot more pre-school training with words and numbers, than Matilda has now – because I have less time to dedicate to this then I did back then.

Tallulah will be 13 this year, and likes to hang out go shopping and have lunch, it would be lovely to do this more. Theo does too many ’girl’ activities by default, we haven’t quite got around to organizing his guitar lessons yet… etc. My overall feeling is that they are very loved and very lucky, and those other bits and

SelfishMother.com
4
bobs are just the details.

Of course with 3, there are practical things to consider: a regular car doesn’t really feel ’big’ enough, particularly on long journeys as they try to kill each other… although for the most part we’ve found ways to combat this with, games, loud music (my 4 year old knows all of the words to Paloma Faith & labyrinth ) CAR RULES… these are strict and they all merrily recite them; no biting, punching, pinching, hair pulling, name calling blah blah blah, it’s actually quite funny to listen to.

It can take longer

SelfishMother.com
5
to get them organised, although I have found that like anything you get better with practice, I can often get my 3 ready to be out the door, in less time than some friends who just have 1.

I have always been confused by this concept that having kids stops you from ’doing’ things, maybe because I was young when my eldest was born, we leaned into it and she just integrated so naturally into our lives. Having 3 hasn’t changed this… still leaning in, we are about to move country for the 2nd time. We have been on numerous long haul holidays, we take

SelfishMother.com
6
them to ’nice’ restaurants, we still make time for ourselves and each other… it can be chaotic, but above all it’s FUN!

I don’t know if it would be different if I had stuck with 1 or 2, I’ve always had this belief that stuff expands to fill all available space. Ever switched from a small to a bigger handbag, and noticed how it fills up too within about a week! By this I mean, I don’t think life would be less busy, guilty or chaotic if I had made different choices, just busy in a different way, with a different set of concerns and a different

SelfishMother.com
7
flavor of chaos.

I remember being pregnant with my second… my worry was, will it be possible to love someone else as much as I love Tallulah, to be honest it just didn’t seem realistic…. surely that would be too much, too much love, too much enjoyment and marveling at all the things that make up who they are and who they are becoming. But for all of you with 2, I think you now know, not only is it possible, it is amazing!

Well NEWSFLASH you can love 3 just the same way, and I imagine it goes on… but in case you’re wondering – I for one, am

SelfishMother.com
8
sticking with the magic number 3.

 

Read other posts by Natalie here

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- 27 Mar 14

September 2001… I was laying in Kingston Hospital dazed and confused after a labour that had not turned out as I’d hoped (28+ hours plus an emergency c-section).

I found myself flummoxed when a mere 48 hours after this traumatic event a ‘helpful’ midwife popped in to discuss my contraceptive choices going forward! Was she crazy, I wondered? I would absolutely never ever be having sex again full stop. How bloody insensitive of her to mention it.

Shockingly though, my vow of celibacy didn’t last. Roll forward to 2014, and I am the proud ‘owner’ of Tallulah 12, Theo 8 and Matilda 4. Women like me with 3 children, or more, often get asked what having multi-children is like… I don’t really believe there is an exact answer as everyone’s situation is so unique.

There is a beautiful greediness to having 3, to me it has always seemed like an extra piece of cake, not necessary but ever so delicious. Of course sometimes it’s like herding cats!

I think the biggest issue with it, is my own… and it comes back to that good old fashioned guilt. As my kids have grown older, I worry I’m not doing enough with each of them as individuals. When Tallulah was 4 she had a lot more pre-school training with words and numbers, than Matilda has now – because I have less time to dedicate to this then I did back then.

Tallulah will be 13 this year, and likes to hang out go shopping and have lunch, it would be lovely to do this more. Theo does too many ‘girl’ activities by default, we haven’t quite got around to organizing his guitar lessons yet… etc. My overall feeling is that they are very loved and very lucky, and those other bits and bobs are just the details.

Of course with 3, there are practical things to consider: a regular car doesn’t really feel ‘big’ enough, particularly on long journeys as they try to kill each other… although for the most part we’ve found ways to combat this with, games, loud music (my 4 year old knows all of the words to Paloma Faith & labyrinth ) CAR RULES… these are strict and they all merrily recite them; no biting, punching, pinching, hair pulling, name calling blah blah blah, it’s actually quite funny to listen to.

It can take longer to get them organised, although I have found that like anything you get better with practice, I can often get my 3 ready to be out the door, in less time than some friends who just have 1.

I have always been confused by this concept that having kids stops you from ‘doing’ things, maybe because I was young when my eldest was born, we leaned into it and she just integrated so naturally into our lives. Having 3 hasn’t changed this… still leaning in, we are about to move country for the 2nd time. We have been on numerous long haul holidays, we take them to ‘nice’ restaurants, we still make time for ourselves and each other… it can be chaotic, but above all it’s FUN!

I don’t know if it would be different if I had stuck with 1 or 2, I’ve always had this belief that stuff expands to fill all available space. Ever switched from a small to a bigger handbag, and noticed how it fills up too within about a week! By this I mean, I don’t think life would be less busy, guilty or chaotic if I had made different choices, just busy in a different way, with a different set of concerns and a different flavor of chaos.

I remember being pregnant with my second… my worry was, will it be possible to love someone else as much as I love Tallulah, to be honest it just didn’t seem realistic…. surely that would be too much, too much love, too much enjoyment and marveling at all the things that make up who they are and who they are becoming. But for all of you with 2, I think you now know, not only is it possible, it is amazing!

Well NEWSFLASH you can love 3 just the same way, and I imagine it goes on… but in case you’re wondering – I for one, am sticking with the magic number 3.

 

Read other posts by Natalie here

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Natalie is a speaker, trainer, life & business coach at Lifeletloose.com. She lives in the O.C, California, with her husband Charlie & children Tallulah 13, Theo 8 and Matilda, 5. In those rare, quiet moments when she is not at work, she can be found writing articles, singing, reading or hanging out by the pool with the kids.

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