A Call For Change

Jo Adamson-Parker - 16 Oct 19

I thought it really ironic timing last Saturday morning when a woman from ‘the mental health service’ rang with another pointless update on when Bubba could have an assessment. As she said ‘He’s not a priority’ I could hear him trashing the living room, shouting and screaming at ‘The Wife’.

‘He’s not a priority’. Since he was five years old I’ve heard that a lot. Back then I knew that something was different about him. We knew there was Early Years Trauma, Attachment Disorder but I also suspected Autism.  I asked for support and I kept being told ‘No, it’s ‘just’ trauma, he’s not a priority’. The organisations that could have helped passed me around each other and none of them listened.

Five years ago I was just realising I’d have to find my voice. As a parent I’d have to speak up for my child, defend his right to access help and support. I didn’t realise just how much I’d need to do! Back then, I was pretty quiet, shy, but as a friend said last week, ‘if it’s something to do with our children we roar’.  Well I learnt to speak up and boy did I learn to roar!

Because, I’m tired of hearing ‘he’s not a priority’. No child should hear that.

I’m tired of hearing about too many children who ‘aren’t a priority’.  What’s being done for them? Very little. I know of a family who can’t get basic support in school for their adopted child. She has no help in class, no EHCP, no teaching assistant support. She’s not meeting her milestones, she’s falling behind her peers and the gap between her and them will widen. When will that family be listened to? When does someone turn around and say, ‘How Can We Help?’

They’re not an isolated case. A recent survey by Adoption UK, 56% of adoptive families were dealing with significant or extreme challenges and 70% felt they were in a continual struggle to get help or support. 80% of those surveyed said their child needed more support in school than their peers.

I’ve said before that my boys are at an exceptionally supportive school with a proactive SENCO but that’s not always the case.If the school won’t help, where do you turn? Who else listens? Who helps?

And it doesn’t stop at SEN challenges. A 2017 survey by the BBC and Adoption UK stated that more than a quarter of adoptive families in the UK are in crisis. Many families said they faced ‘serious challenges that had an impact on the wider family, were at risk of breakdown or disruption, or had already been disrupted.’

I won’t let our adoption fail. I won’t see it break down because me and ‘The Wife’ are all Bubba has and we won’t fail him but I think a lot of adopters have said that and then had to make the heart-breaking decision to return their child to the care system. Without support, and even sometimes despite it, their situation has gotten so bad that it’s their only option..

How devastating is that for all concerned? A family destroyed. Parents who feel they’ve failed and children back into the system, even more damaged. No one wins. It costs the country more money supporting these children’s return to care when actually providing support before the families reach crisis could prevent this breakdown.

That’s a very simplified viewpoint and yes I sympathise with overworked staff and overstretched resources but when does something change? When will the powers that be, the government, the health services, the education system understand that we need to stop firefighting and help our children before they reach crisis. Before everyone’s mental health is affected. Before it’s too late.

To many adopters the Adoption Support Fund is an essential lifeline. But its future is uncertain. A decision is yet to be made over its future life. But if it stops what then? What happens to the hundreds of families, ours included, that currently rely on it.

I’ll always advocate for adoption – in many ways it’s an amazing experience but buckle up and be ready for the ride!

Source Reference: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-48826910

Jo Adamson-Parker

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