A fool at 40 is a fool forever

Yvonne Telford - 24 May 16

My father used to say, A fool at 40 is a fool forever. Harsh but TRUE. Technically, you don’t have to be 40 to see yourself a fool or even, for others to see you as one. In my case, before I turned 40, I knew I was a fool… it was blatant. And still, before working on myself,  I foolishly went ahead, got married and had my daughters. I am happy to say I’m no longer a fool – this is a recent development. Before getting to my current state of mind, I  was one of those people who made the same mistakes over and over again. I just did not know how to learn from my mistakes. That is the definition of a fool… right?

Before you roll your eyes and mutter, “I don’t need you preaching to me on how not to be a fool.” May I reassure you that I don’t plan to – I’m not an expert. But for those interested, I’d  like to share with you the 5 things that helped me start seeing life differently.

1. You can’t hang out with chickens and expect to soar like an eagle.

The people you hang out with can determine what (and who) you become. So, for example, if you are hanging out with women who are always putting other women down, women who gossip, women who are generally not going anywhere in life, you’ll go nowhere in life too. It is that simple. Also, if you want to know who and what you’ll become in the next few years, look at your friends.

2. Don’t rely on people. 

I’ve learnt that we don’t need the validation of others for us to feel we are worthy. We also don’t need 100 likes on Facebook and Instagram to make us feel great about our work or who we are. Don’t get me wrong, it is gratifying when someone tells me that my work is great or has made a difference to them. But at the end of the day, I don’t wait for such compliments  to do what I want to do. Waiting for compliments or approval can make you work overtime, feel inferior and very soon, you’ll stop doing the work you enjoy altogether. And you’ll never like yourself. You’ll come across to others as very desperate and that is very unattractive.

3. Some friends don’t deserve to hear your shame story.

This is a tough one and I learnt it the fool’s way. Before sharing your shame story with that friend, ask yourself this question. Do I trust *insert name* enough that if we stop being friends, she’ll keep mum about my story? Brené Brown puts it nicely, “If we share our shame story with the wrong person, they can easily become one more piece of flying debris in an already dangerous storm.”

4. Be Yourself.

Accept and say, “I am phenomenal.” (Even when you don’t feel phenomenal) But I believe you are phenomenal because there is no other person like you in this world. You have something to offer the world – your gift and uniqueness. As soon as you recognise these facts, it makes loving yourself very easy.

5. Don’t try to win over the people who don’t like you – the haters.

When someone does not like you, why do you try to make them like you? The truth? They will never like you no matter what you do. Please don’t waste any more of your energy on them. You know the kind of people I am talking about –  The ones who constantly make you sad,  they make you cry, they talk behind you back, they don’t wish you well and make you feel crap about yourself. Sometimes, you may even find yourself explaining  your whys to them. You don’t need such people. Stop trying to win them over. They can never be won over. My secret solution for such people? I bless them with goodness and move on with my life.

Yvonne xxx

Yvonne Telford

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