A little less conversation…

Helen Workman - 29 Nov 17

Since I went into labour on 18^th February 2015 (yep, you guessed it, the day my daughter arrived in my life), I’ve lost the ability to sustain a meaningful conversation with friends, family, my husband or even the checkout lady in Sainsbury’s.  And in the last year I can probably count on one hand the opportunities I’ve had for uninterrupted ADULT-ONLY (no smut, just an absence of Peppa Pig chat) conversations with friends, face-to-face.

And it’s not just a change in the ability to sustain conversations, but the change in topics too. Since when were potty training, tantrums, the nursery Christmas play costume saga the best chat I could muster?

And yet talking and communicating face to face is innate for women – we were born to do it and we’re bloody good at it.

As working mums, not only do we have less opportunity to talk nowadays but often I think we avoid face to face conversations in favour of hiding behind our phones and laptops. Social media has enabled us to edit ourselves so we share our best bits and don’t let anyone see our worst bits.

But sometimes it’s the worst bits we need to talk about.

The overwhelm / monotony / terror (delete as appropriate or go with all 3!) of having a newborn.

The guilt you feel about being the last mum at nursery pick up AGAIN because ANOTHER meeting overran. The Despair because you don’t know how to stop being THAT mum without risking financial security and packing in your job.

The loneliness of feeling like you’re drifting apart from your other half because you’re both too tired to do anything other than exchange pleasantries when you eventually end up in the same room together at bedtime.

The longing to have 15 minutes to yourself, whilst reminiscing of those halcyon days pre-kids when a weekend of opportunity stretched out in front of you rather than one filled with chores and kids activities.

Just by talking about these things out loud they won’t feel quite so bad. You might even be able to see the funny side. Or start to pinpoint what you’d long to do if you could just grab that 15 mins…

But it’s not just our worst bits we should be talking about. Our hopes and dreams are often the thoughts swirling around in our heads that we rarely say out loud. When was the last time you talked to someone about them? It’s not an ideal topic for whatsapp:

Me: Hope you’ve had a good day. Could you grab some coriander on the way home?

Husband: Crap day. Glad it’s over. Yep no probs

Me: I’d really love to sign up to a creative writing course and write a novel one day.

Husband: Yep, no probs.

My family and I have recently relocated out of London for a life in the Yorkshire countryside. So many of my friends were surprised when I told them what we were doing. Maybe I’d never truly talked to them about that dream and what it meant to me

We often blame social media and messaging services like whatsapp for the death of conversation. But I think they’re just a convenient excuse. Yes, we are more likely than ever to find ourselves with information overload thanks to the wonderful worldwide web. But that’s just added on top of more complex lives in general – charging forward with our careers, running a home and a family, on top of hobbies, exercise, travel (remind me what those are again?!).

As the BT ad from the 80’s told us “It’s good to talk”. The old saying, ‘a problem shared is a problem halved’ remains true today.

So, my call to arms for all women, if you are feeling stuck, down in the dumps or overwhelmed (and let’s face it who isn’t in the run up to Christmas), is to make time for real conversation. Jump on your messaging service of choice and rally your best mate for a Prosecco at your local. And if distance is the issue then Skype with a glass of your favourite tipple in hand is a perfect substitute. And make that conversation meaningful. You never know what might come of it.

Helen Workman

Full-time mummy and women's empowerment coach. I am passionate about coaching busy women juggling careers and family life. I give women the time and space to get their worries, frustrations, hopes and dreams out of their head and into the open, to help them gain clarity and confidence to create the lives they dream about. Myself and my family have recently relocated from London to the North Yorkshire countryside, fulfilling one of our dreams. My daughter Freya is the love of my life and my best little buddy! When not working, mummy-ing and generally keeping our household going I love cooking, boxing and running! Oh and cake. And chocolate. Especially chocolate cake. I'd love you to join my Empowering Women community here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/empoweringwomencoaching/?ref=group_cover xx

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