MANLINESS FOR MODERN MOTHERS

David Coppi - 8 Sep 14

As a new dad, I’ve decided I need to be the best possible man I can be for my daughter. That got me thinking, what does it take to be a man? A penis? Testicles? Preferably both?

Men come in all shapes and sizes and manliness can be quantified in a number of ways. Take Bill Gates and Chuck “The Iceman” Liddell. They’re both leaders in their respective fields however one earned millions of dollars by punching people in the face whilst the other earned billions by punching a keyboard. These men are poles apart with vastly different expressions of manliness.

Personally, I feel more adept with a crème brulee torch rather than an oxy-acetylene torch. Ask me to weld something and you’re out of luck. Ask me to present you with a delicious lavender crème brulee and you’ll want to take me to bed.

Manliness isn’t about working in a shed, building furniture or eating meat. However, I’ve chopped wood with a chainsaw, I’ve herded cattle on a quad bike and I’ve gutted fish that I’ve caught with my own hands. Did I feel a certain manliness? I guess, but women can also do these things equally as well as I can.

I’ve discovered that manliness isn’t necessarily an expression of toughness, rather an illustration of intelligence. Real men don’t fight. Real men know that both parties end up bloodied and bruised or as history has shown, dead. Real men can use their intelligence to diffuse potentially explosive situations. Real men use manners and understand that women, although not fragile and helpless, should be treated with respect.

After much deliberation and discussion with various mums, I have been able to distil the three key elements to modern manliness. These are class, humour and chivalry.

The classy man knows not to fight, swear in the presence of women or wear Lynx Africa. The classy man also understands that it isn’t necessary to wear a bum-bag around one’s waist. These men are also aware that the way to a woman’s heart isn’t through a rat’s tail, a mullet, a matching tracksuit or through smoking marijuana. This isn’t the 90’s.

The classy man is not the party goer who picks up the acoustic guitar in the corner of the room and smugly plays the first four chords of Smells Like Teen Spirit (badly), like he’s Cobain-incarnate. Ditto, Smoke On The Water. The classy man also resists the urge to adjust his testicles in public.

The second tenet of manliness is humour. Real men see the funny side of life as they recognise that life is too short to be overly serious. Humour is a universal language and can bring people together.

Humourous men know that women appreciate intelligent wit and understand that a well told piece of humour can instantly make you appear more alluring to the opposite sex. As humorist Victor Borge once said, “laughter is the shortest distance between two people”. A humourous man shows flexibility and the capacity to not take himself too seriously.

Humour flourishes between a man’s ambitions and the restrictions he puts on himself. Humour is inherently truthful and integral to modern day manliness. So laugh, cry, or cry with laughter. Modern men in all their manliness know that laughter is the best medicine. Unless you have an STI in which case you should probably see a doctor.

The last pillar of modern manliness is very much an ancient tradition that seems to have been lost in the recent haze of Gen Y, iPhones and quinoa. Chivalry is not dead and neither should it be.

I regularly open doors for both women and men, regardless of their age or status. Modern men understand it is simply a polite thing to do. Similarly, offering your coat or jacket to your lady-friend (or man-friend) if they are cold is a polite, gentlemanly thing to do.

I can hear the feminist’s oestrogen beginning to boil, readying to accuse me of gender inequality and asking why women need these things done for them. Well, they don’t. I practice chivalry because it is a nice way to act. As I said, I’ll open doors for men too.

Some may think that the age of chivalry has long gone and that the spirit of romance is dead. Manly men know that chivalry will never die as by its very definition there will always be rightness to fight for in this world.

I am aiming to live the best possible manly version of myself for my daughter, but for other fathers who aren’t sure, have a think about what modern manliness means to you. If you can’t see the funny side of life then learn to laugh, and if you haven’t opened a door for somebody today, then try it. Who knows where the next open door may lead you.

David Coppi

David Coppi is an author, chiropractor, bonsai enthusiast and punk-rock loving father to ten month old Cherry. He lives in Adelaide, South Australia. His book 'Think Act Grow: Success Principles for Young People and Parents' is available now through Amazon.

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