A Mothers Roar

Jo Adamson-Parker - 27 Nov 19

Has to be said, it’s been a tough couple of weeks, for various reasons really. It’s getting towards the end of term and Bubba’s really tired. Christmas is coming which is never a good time for adopted kids but since he started school we’ve been able to recognise the signs and know what’s coming as the end of term draws nearer.

The change in routine, the excitement, the ‘special events’ all ramp up and by the time school closes, he’s ready to explode and I’m usually about to rock in a corner with my Santa hat on!

This year we’ve also Squeak to factor into this. He’s at school now so he’s tired and getting grumpy but along with this, school have had him for a term now so they’re getting to know him more and realising the full extent of the support he’s going to need in class. And maybe so are we.

I always thought Squeak was going to be ‘the one I didn’t have to worry about’. Obviously I’d worry, as any parent does, but not like I do with Bubba. We thought, Squeak’s delayed but ‘he’ll catch up once he’s at school’. That’s what we thought. It feels a little bit like dejavu.

It was towards the end of Bubba’s first term in Reception that we started to realise everything wasn’t ‘as it should be’. It was then that his Attachment Disorder started to emerge. It was then that I started to become very familiar with his school, and the start of support meetings with his SENCO (thank God for her). It was the start of the assessments and reports, therapy and strategies. It was the start of me finding my voice as I realised we had a long road to travel and I had a massive learning curve coming.

But I did it and I still do to this day. I’m still fighting for his Autism Assessment. I’m still fighting to be heard and taken seriously by a failing system and now it looks like I have another fight on my hands for Squeak. A very different one obviously because that would be way too easy wouldn’t it? It’d be too convenient for me to be able to use the knowledge I’ve learnt from the experience of the last four years wouldn’t it? No for Squeak I have to use a very different map, follow very different roads and jump over very different hurdles. Massive learning curve No2 coming!

To be honest I’m feeling a bit failed at the moment. I’ve trusted people, professionals and experts and I don’t think we’ve been given a full picture. I don’t think we’ve been given the time he deserves which makes me now think I need a louder voice. I need a stronger roar!

At the moment we’re in limbo. Bubba’s on a waiting list, he’s not a priority blah blah blah. Squeak’s been forgotten. As I wait for referrals to even be made and appointments I’ve been waiting months to come through, we’re in limbo. We need to know, for his quality of life, what’s going on with him. Not in six months’ time, not next year. Now. But again, no one’s listening. Again dejavu.

Now, I’ve got some really intelligent friends, annoyingly so. They’re articulate and confident and talk about politics like they really do know what they’re talking about. Whilst I’ve always voted and I’ve tried to make an informed decision, I’ve always shied away from politics, ‘I’m not clever enough to enter that arena’ and talk about my opinion with any confidence.

Well, tomorrow I’m meeting my local candidate. Maybe it’s naïve of me but I want her to tell my why she gets my vote. What is she going to do for my boys? What is she going to do to reform a system that’s not working? When children get lost on waiting lists, when you can’t get to speak to a paediatrician because you have to go through a dozen gatekeepers first? What is she going to do?

I’m going to ask her how she’s going to make sure no child is forgotten. So that no child ever hears ‘you’re not a priority’. It might be naïve of me, I except that, but when something matters you can’t be silent and when no one’s listening, who do you turn to?

But I’m not a negative person, I’m not. Yes it’s tough. Being a parent to two boys with different special needs is bloody hard but you know what? I wouldn’t change them. They’re mine and they’re amazing. They’re worth it. Even when Bubba’s being a total dick and I’m a ‘horrible, mean, stupid selfish nasty person’ (because I wouldn’t let him take a rock to school! I’m a Bad Mother!) it’s still worth it for the other times.

Like this morning, Squeak clapped me and gave me his big cheeky lopsided grin because I’d finished my cuppa tea – ‘Ta Dah! Inished!’ I could start everyday with a round of applause like that, it’d set me right up for the days battles!

How can I give up? How can I be silent when he certainly won’t?

Jo Adamson-Parker

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