A PhD, a toddler, a baby and me

Alexandra Appleton - 31 Mar 16

First of all anyone who attempts to complete a PhD with a toddler and a baby MUST be a madwoman but, seeing as that madwoman was me, I thought I’d pass on some of the highs and lows of my bump-dominated studies.

First of all I should state that I didn’t take on the doctorate with kids in tow.  No, my first 2 years of research were filled with the kind of intensive archive and library filled days that I, in my geeky way, had always dreamed of. Weeks spent thumbing through eighteenth-century play manuscripts and playbills? Yes! Then I got married and baby no.1 came along fifteen months later.

At this time we were still living up north near family and, although my long whimsical library days were not as frequent, I was still able to manage the odd one.  However most days were spent determinedly exhausting the little fella to ensure a semi-decent afternoon naptime while I typed furiously, one ear cocked for the first cries like a ragged cocker spaniel.  Or, I’d pace the streets with the buggy and my workbag, hoping that he’d nod off within spitting distance of a coffee shop where I would, once again, type furiously until another crying baby woke my slumbering baby up. (And, while on the subject, why is it that babies can sleep through whirring coffee machines, cackling groups of teenage girls and multiple mobile phone rings yet the faintest whimper of another baby immediately jerks them to life?) Yet, ironically, I found that those limited, time-focused snatches of work were some of the most productive of my whole research.  Who knew that having a baby could focus your mind and your intent to such a degree?  Being a mum didn’t bash your brain after all, hurrah.

But then came my first PhD conference post baby.  I went away for 3 whole days, armed with my paper, a list of delegates and the conference proceedings.  Oh yes, I felt like a proper grown up academic with no hint of poo or sick anywhere near me.  The first day of the conference was brilliant and I was excited for the first drinks reception. Very grown up and definitely not child friendly.  When asked what I’d be doing recently, I made the mistake of mentioning my brief maternity leave to a couple of other researchers.  From then on the rich intellectual chat was overtaken by curious questions about my little one, ranging from his teething to his nap schedules.  A couple of glasses of wine in, I even got asked whether labour really was as painful as it looked on TV.  Whilst I didn’t mind chatting about my son (who would?) this wasn’t quite the child-free zone I’d imagined. I studiously avoided the labour-on-tv-question lady at the conference dinner the following evening.

Six months before I was due to complete my PhD we found out that baby no.2 was on its way. Doing the maths, we worked out that I should finish round about my due date…perfect?! (As it happened I sent the final bound thesis in 2 weeks before little Florence appeared…bob on!)  But it turns out that a toddler who doesn’t nap any more and a bouncy bump don’t really make for conducive working.  Although I have fond memories of a blissful day spent chasing final references at the British Library with my 8 month bump bashing everyone out of the way, there was a lot of evening writing, scratching of head and desperate whinging with no hope of a glass of wine at the end of it.  Desperate times. Sorry husband.  Oh and did I mention that we relocated down to the south east when I was six months pregnant?  All in all don’t ever attempt a pregnancy, a house move, a relocation and a tight PhD deadline at the same time.  Madness!

But the thing is done, I am a Doctor (yes I still relish repeating the old ‘just don’t ask me to dole out the prescriptions’ gag) and life is definitely less stressful than it was 18 months ago.  But I miss it – I miss that manic writing, the feeling of a tight deadline and the snatched hours of precious research.  A newborn put the career on hold and now I’m looking at the next big question: what next?

Alexandra Appleton

I am a 31 year old mum to two cheeky chimps, Jackson (4) & Florence (1). We moved down to the south-east of England from Liverpool in 2014. I completed my PhD in 2015 and am now a freelance writer and editor. How do you balance tiny ones, no child care and work? Who the hell knows but we're giving it a bash!

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