A Solo Summer

khhayes - 11 Apr 17

Wasn’t the newborn bubble wonderful? The wealth of ‘Mum & Tum’, ‘Bump to Baby’ and NCT groups were aplenty. We all had something in common, be it the sleepless nights or the weaning worries.

The first time I sensed the faint cracking in relationships was around the 9 month mark – maternity leave was nearly over for some Mum’s and conversations over coffee shifted from our babies routines to work and nursery schedules. Whether we were staying at home, negotiating flexible working patterns or returning full-time, our focus was moving in a new direction.

I started a part-time role wanting ‘the best of both worlds’ but my Mummy days were never quite the same. I continued going to our usual baby & toddler classes but the faces became less familiar, the post class coffees less frequent but that’s just what happens, I thought.

When my son started attending nursery, new relationships forged through our little ones’ fondness of each other. The play dates started up again and there was someone other than my Mum to have a good ole gossip with.

Life was good – my son was going to be at the same nursery until school age, he had friends of his own age to play with and I had Mum friends that I could actually have a conversation with that didn’t involve potty training. What I didn’t anticipate was the ‘second baby syndrome’ to come. The want for another wasn’t something that I could relate to but I understood that the timing was about right for adding another person into the mix.

I was so pleased when my friend told me she was pregnant – they’d be trying for months and it had been a difficult time for her and her husband. Later on in the week, I headed out for a soft play session when another friend announced “Surprise! I’m pregnant!” It was a complete shock – both to her and to me. A cause for celebration no doubt. A What’sApp flashed up on my phone the following afternoon – it was a friend cancelling our scheduled park outing because – you guessed it – she was expecting and had to head out for a blood test with the Midwife. Was I the only one not with child?!

“Everyone’s pregnant with their second!” I exclaimed to my other half. We had both been in agreement a long time ago that there would be no more on the cards and were very happy with the decision. But there was a niggle in the back of my mind – I felt left out.

My friends’ pregnancies shot by amidst the buzz of late Summer & Christmas and nothing really changed between us. When Spring arrived, so did the newborns. I held back, knowing what it was like as a new Mum to expect the flurry of visitors and eventually, was invited to meet the new additions. They were beautiful and I was elated for my friends. However, the conversations were shorter, the coffee drunk faster pre-empting feeding times and that feeling rose again – the pang of loneliness, the absence of commonality between my friends that I had felt on the return to work.

My friends now have new friends – they’re heading back to the Baby & Toddler groups for the chats about sleeping and feeding. They’ve got something else to talk about too – managing with a toddler and a newborn that I don’t quite understand.

I’m sure the next wave of friendships will appear when school starts and I’ll meet other parents at the school gates. Until then, me and my little dude are facing a long Summer just the two of us. I’m grateful that I get to spend this time together but I’m also sad – I miss my Mummy mates and I’m mourning that time it was just us and our little ones were still little.

khhayes

Stage Manager. Event Organiser. Arts Administrator. Now: Project Manager. Wife. Mum to one.

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