Advice You Were Never Supposed to Follow

Amel Osman - 17 Oct 16

Damned if you do, damned if you don’t! These are the top five pieces of advice I received (and followed) at the start of my parenting journey only to be criticized when I followed through with them!

Don’t be afraid to ask for help.

This is probably one of the most widespread pieces of advice dished to to new moms. Only what they are not so keen to tell you is the getting any form of “paid help” is of course frowned, grimaced and at times puked upon. Nothing will get you kicked out of a mummy morning circle faster than an admission  you’ve hired help. You’ve paid a nanny, hired a cleaner or got someone in to do the ironing once a week? That really is terrible. “Help” should only be from close friends and family members. If like me the former are too busy maintaining lives of their own to handle my daily dishes and the latter live 5000 km away, well then sorry, you must suffer in audible silence. So basically get help, just not the paid kind.

Get your husband involved.

Until he gets involved. Then you have to get him uninvolved. Confused much? It really is quite simple. Everyone wants you to encourage your husband to partake in the joys of parenting however what they really want is for him to fail at it.  A helpful husband will only serve to alienate you from any mummy group you wish you to join. Want to join the local coffee morning? You have a helpful husband? Sorry darling, you simply don’t meet the minimum criteria of relentless nagging about a useless husband who simply does not find things in the diaper bag quick enough. Whatever would you have to talk about. Sorry, you can’t sit with us.

Put yourself first.

You think they mean get some me time right? Maybe go to a spinning class or get a manicure? Wrong! What they really mean is align your needs with that of your baby. Want to go to a yoga class alone? You are a terrible mother who really should invest in more time with her baby. Joining a mother and baby yoga class, well that immediately thrusts you into first position at the best mummy games, now wait in line for your medal. It’s coming. Very soon. Any minute now.

Don’t neglect your partner.

Those who are quick to tell you to remember your wifely duties are the first to gasp in horror when they see you on out on a date night. “Where is the baby?” they demand. Like we’d bring our one year old to a night club! Of course this query is always accompanied by a peek over our shoulder, because the thought that we are out alone without child is one too horrific to fathom. We must have stuffed the stroller behind the bar, because that thought is more fathomable than the probability he was left with a baby sitter at home.

Don’t abandon your dreams and aspirations.

Before the baby arrives everyone adamantly tells you that you really should not lose sight of your career goals and sense of independence. The moment you start to get your sense of self back and try to work back towards your old routine you are hit with quizzical criticism. “Back to work so early? But he’s only 11 months old!”.

Parenting. It really is a no win wonderland of crass criticism and irritating insights!

Amel Osman

Amel Osman is a journalist and self proclaimed Selfull Mama of one. She loves lying star shaped on sandy beaches with a hot dog in hand. When she is not busy adjusting her Facebook privacy settings to hide her posts from easily offended friends she can be found ranting on www.SelfullMama.com

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