All by myself…

Orla - 28 Sep 16

I’m having a bit of a Bridget Jones All by myself moment today. Except I’m downing lukewarm tea instead of wine, and the vaguely melodic wailing is coming from my toddler (who has 4 teeth coming through and is also recovering from a hideous virus). Oh, and I’m not in Christmas pyjamas in case you were wondering. But I am feeling pretty alone, and I don’t want to be (don’t wanna be  all – by – my – self).

I always wanted to be a stay-at-home parent (at least whilst the kids were too young to be at school), and I am lucky enough to be in a position in which I can. I never considered what a lonely occupation it could be though. Today will be yet another day where I will go most of it without speaking to another human being. Actually, no, that’s wrong; Eli and I converse in his strange little language, but I won’t have spoken to another adult until Karl returns home from work (apart from 2 minutes with the GP earlier but I don’t think this counts) and this makes for a lonely existence.

I do have friends. Friends whom I find it difficult to see because they work and I can’t do evenings. And when I do see them it either has to be at a time Karl or my family can look after Eli, or they get exactly 3% of my attention (the other 97% given to a very chatty toddler). So I’m limited. I did also make tons of mummy friends after Eli was born, but the vast majority have gone back to work or have moved away.

I get out of the house every day. I go to baby classes and children’s centre sessions and parks and playgrounds… and I do chat to the other parents and carers. Briefly. But most of my time is spent either with Eli attached to me or running after him as he attempts his escape.

Play dates with the few other stay-at-homers I know work well… as long as we can prevent our children from murdering each other all for the sake of a turn on the rocking horse (why is it, incidentally, that toddlers only seem to want to play with the toy that the other child has; more often than not the toy that they have shown exactly zero interest in for months until the moment one of their peers picks it up?!). We do at least manage a little adult conversation then… inevitably about lack of sleep and fussy toddlers, but it is conversation all the same.

I wonder if other stay-at-homers feel like this? And if they have discovered some magical solution? (Or if they want to come and be a little less lonely with me?).

I guess perhaps I just need to focus on the fact that as lonely as I may feel, I am not in fact alone. I have a kind, intelligent and funny little boy, and a man I liked enough to marry and have this kind, intelligent and funny little boy with. And ultimately I’d rather be at home with this boy (albeit, sometimes feeling lonely), than back at work and without him.

Orla

Stay-at-home mother to a small boy, wife to a funny man, cooking up baby #2.

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