All The Women Who Are Independent…

Catherine Péchèr - 1 Nov 17

I grew up in the era of the girl band. The Spice Girls taught me about Girl Power and Destiny’s Child told me I was an Independent Woman, a Survivor, and that no-one was ready for my jelly. In general, this is great. I am a firm feminist and thoroughly believe that, given the opportunity, everyone can change the world – no matter how small that change may be. Sometimes, however, being a strong and independent woman can feel a bit difficult and at other times it seems downright impossible. So take some of that pressure off, here are five examples of times where it’s ok to rely on others for a change.

When raising a child – I think I’m probably an ok mum. I take her for walks, sing to her and don’t mind when she gets water all over the kitchen when we wash up together. However, she has definitely clocked on to the fact that there are some things that other people can do better than me. Her Dad throws her up and down until she screams with delight, her art-teacher godmother can paint with her, my father-in-law gives her wonderful cuddles and French stories and as soon as she sees her godfather she immediately hands him a football. On my own, I could raise an ok person – with all these people helping out, I think she will probably turn out great.

When you are in over your head – Last week my friend offered to babysit a ten month old baby. The baby’s mum dropped him off at 8am and at 9am we came round so that the kids could play together. On arrival I was greeted with a dramatic ‘Thank God you’re here, I have no idea what I’m doing’. The little boy was doing the classic move of being too stressed and tired to nap. It was easily fixed by a walk in the pram but how was my childless friend meant to know that? Now this woman is the epitomy of strong and independent. She excels in her work, owns her own place, works hard to buy designer clothes and make-up, and knows how to enjoy herself. When faced with a situation she hadn’t experienced before, however, she needed the help of an experienced, friendly face. When we do new things or we bite off more than we can chew we need other people to help us. Otherwise, how will we ever learn the tricks of the trade?

When you are really, really tired – My little girl loves to run, walk and play. She always wants to do her own thing and hasn’t fallen asleep in our arms for about a year. Last weekend we went away with a group of friends from our church. She had a great time and was entertained 24/7. By the Sunday afternoon, however, she was exhausted. So when her godfather took her for a walk into town she just wanted to relax in his arms and was asleep in minutes. The comfort of being held and loved by someone she trusted was all she needed to get the rest she craved. Sometimes life can seem really tiring and to properly relax you need to lean on someone you trust.

When you are letting your guard down – Strong, independent women are great but I wonder how many deep friendships they have? Real relationships take vulnerability. By appearing to have everything sorted you may gain a lot of admirers but it will be trickier to develop true friends. Why? Because why would someone want to be friends with someone whose strength and capability makes them feel weak by comparison. I’ve tried to only show myself as strong to my friends and it ended with someone being shocked when I cried in front of a film as they had assumed I was emotionally void. Not the impression I want to give. Friendships are formed with long chats and glasses of wine and these are not the times for independence.

When all you need is the illusion – One of the best things I have ever bought for my daughter is a little penguin rucksack. The reason it is such a top purchase isn’t because of how cute she looks in it or that it can act as a carrier for her constant snack needs but the fact that out of the top comes a little string with a handle. So while she can feel like a grown-up doing whatever she pleases I’m always attached to keep her safe. Really, she knows this too – proven by the fact that she hands me the handle whenever she puts it on. Sometimes all we need is the illusion of being strong and independent while actually knowing that people are looking out for us in the background.

So go out, be strong, know your worth and be confident in your abilities, but don’t stop needing people – so much can be gained from it. Occasionally tell your inner Beyoncé to calm down – not even a girl can run the world all by herself.

Catherine Péchèr

I’m a midwife, mum of two and recent expat. I love blogging and writing lists about life, parenthood and everything in between. Some are on here but loads more are at greatmindsmakelists.worspress.com or you can find me on Facebook or Instagram.

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