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Something that’s been on my mind a bit lately, niggling away at me, is…Am I selfish?
I’ve been working a lot which has been pretty great, I’m lucky enough to love my job as a doula. I’m working with beautiful families across Surrey and London, watching women own their births and literally witnessing miracles…but in working more, inevitably I’ve been seeing the kids less. There’s been more scheduling, more time frames, more childcare (thanks Mum!) and everything just feels a bit more squeezed.
I realised in doing more of what I love,
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I’m seeing those I love, less. I’ve found myself turning down loads of fun social events because I’m already supporting my Mums or teaching a yoga class…As a doula I live my life on call anyway, so my family and friends are used to me missing things and always hearing the phrase, ’yes if I’m not at a birth’. Am I asking too much of everyone around me to in effect be on call too?
I’m not sure I can really answer this question but what I do know is this. Growing a small micro business of one doula and her offerings is hard. Saying yes
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to all the gorgeous work I get to do is easy and feels necessary. Doing what I absolutely love is what I’ve been hoping for my whole life and what I hope for my kids, whatever they decide that is. And serving mothers and families at such a life changing time in their lives feels right.
Even as I’m writing this my daughter keeps stirring as she hears the tapping of the keyboard and I am torn. Torn between my creativity and my creation. Maybe I’ll always be torn? Maybe I can be grateful for having such a problem of having too much to love
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in my life? Maybe I am selfish?
Or maybe, just maybe I have in fact got it all…
Doula love
xxx
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Jenna Rutherford - 29 Mar 19
Something that’s been on my mind a bit lately, niggling away at me, is…Am I selfish?
I’ve been working a lot which has been pretty great, I’m lucky enough to love my job as a doula. I’m working with beautiful families across Surrey and London, watching women own their births and literally witnessing miracles…but in working more, inevitably I’ve been seeing the kids less. There’s been more scheduling, more time frames, more childcare (thanks Mum!) and everything just feels a bit more squeezed.
I realised in doing more of what I love, I’m seeing those I love, less. I’ve found myself turning down loads of fun social events because I’m already supporting my Mums or teaching a yoga class…As a doula I live my life on call anyway, so my family and friends are used to me missing things and always hearing the phrase, ‘yes if I’m not at a birth’. Am I asking too much of everyone around me to in effect be on call too?
I’m not sure I can really answer this question but what I do know is this. Growing a small micro business of one doula and her offerings is hard. Saying yes to all the gorgeous work I get to do is easy and feels necessary. Doing what I absolutely love is what I’ve been hoping for my whole life and what I hope for my kids, whatever they decide that is. And serving mothers and families at such a life changing time in their lives feels right.
Even as I’m writing this my daughter keeps stirring as she hears the tapping of the keyboard and I am torn. Torn between my creativity and my creation. Maybe I’ll always be torn? Maybe I can be grateful for having such a problem of having too much to love in my life? Maybe I am selfish?
Or maybe, just maybe I have in fact got it all…
Doula love
xxx
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On my journey as a mother, doula and yogi, I have found a way to create space in birth and motherhood to breathe...my hope is that I can help others find this too and let the light in.
doula love Jenna x
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