Parenthood’s a funny thing,
Joy and laughter it should bring.
It does bring these a tiny bit,
Although the rest, well it’s quite shit.
The crying, screaming (and that’s just you)
The stink of vomit and the endless poo.
Sleep, what’s that I hear you say?
It used to come at end of day,
Survival relies on caffeine and cake,
Sleeps fucked off for bastards sake.
You once had ’things’ all nice and pretty
Now all you own is looking shitty.
They ruin it see, these kids of ours
Them and their destruction powers.
They smash, it lose it,
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fill it with drool
With reckless abandon and super shitting cool.
Coat hanger hair that actually worked, would be kinda useful.
They care not for us in the early days,
Milk they want and hell they’ll raise.
We Shhh and rock till our arms go dead
Twinkle twinkle fills your head.
We are silenced when they fall asleep
If you HAVE to move just FUCKING CREEP!
They drive us to the brink and back,
We yearn to find that parenting ’knack’.
It rarely comes though, not
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to me,
I wing it daily, on my knees,
They break you down, they make you shout,
Every fibre of you is worn out.
Your old life’s gone, freedom and sleep,
Remember them? It’ll make you weep;
Instead you’ve got your sticky offspring,
Who you would not swap for anything (except a house in France)
See that’s whats funny about this parenting thing,
And all the crap that it can bring.
We love them see these kids of ours,
I think they give us super powers.
We are Mums and Dads every hour god sends
We ditch our lives, our hobbies and our
SelfishMother.com
4
friends.
We bitch and moan about our lot
But harm our kids? You better not
There’s nothing that we wouldn’t do;
To protect our small ones from dicks like you.
We can be fierce and loving as there’s lots at stake
Theres not a sacrifice we wouldn’t make.
Ultimately we are parents you see
And we are the luckiest f*****rs there will ever be.
**downs a bottle of Calpol and puts head under pillow as the baby monitor is flashing AGAIN**
Parenthood’s a funny thing,
Joy and laughter it should bring.
It does bring these a tiny bit,
Although the rest, well it’s quite shit.
The crying, screaming (and that’s just you)
The stink of vomit and the endless poo.
Sleep, what’s that I hear you say?
It used to come at end of day,
Survival relies on caffeine and cake,
Sleeps fucked off for bastards sake.
You once had ‘things’ all nice and pretty
Now all you own is looking shitty.
They ruin it see, these kids of ours
Them and their destruction powers.
They smash, it lose it, fill it with drool
With reckless abandon and super shitting cool.
Coat hanger hair that actually worked, would be kinda useful.
They care not for us in the early days,
Milk they want and hell they’ll raise.
We Shhh and rock till our arms go dead
Twinkle twinkle fills your head.
We are silenced when they fall asleep
If you HAVEto move just FUCKING CREEP!
They drive us to the brink and back,
We yearn to find that parenting ‘knack’.
It rarely comes though, not to me,
I wing it daily, on my knees,
They break you down, they make you shout,
Every fibre of you is worn out.
Your old life’s gone, freedom and sleep,
Remember them? It’ll make you weep;
Instead you’ve got your sticky offspring,
Who you would not swap for anything (except a house in France)
See that’s whats funny about this parenting thing,
And all the crap that it can bring.
We love them see these kids of ours,
I think they give us super powers.
We are Mums and Dads every hour god sends
We ditch our lives, our hobbies and our friends.
We bitch and moan about our lot
But harm our kids? You better not
There’s nothing that we wouldn’t do;
To protect our small ones from dicks like you.
We can be fierce and loving as there’s lots at stake
Theres not a sacrifice we wouldn’t make.
Ultimately we are parents you see
And we are the luckiest f*****rs there will ever be.
**downs a bottle of Calpol and puts head under pillow as the baby monitor is flashing AGAIN**
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I have no idea what I am doing, yet I do it on a daily basis. I live in the hope that I’m not screwing my kids up or setting them up to be more unhinged than me. This constant improvisation and flying by the seat of my pants has resulted in a need for an outlet that isn’t my darling (does that sound forced?) children. So here it is, the internet, the 'publish' button - shared insanity at the click of a mouse.
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Selfish Mother blogzine is a platform for likeminded women created by journalist Molly Gunn in 2013. We have a clothing store called Selfish Mother Shop, which is where we sell our iconic tees and sweatshirts, eg MOTHER and WINGING IT 🙂 We’re inclusive, not exclusive and we’d love you to get involved. Writing for Selfish Mother is free and easy… it takes 1 minute to join! You’ll be able to share posts and events immediately… we can’t wait to hear what you have to say.
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