An Open Letter to my Kids Step-Mother

Lauren Derrett - 8 Jan 17

When you first came onto the scene, I felt ALL of the things, resentment, fear, jealousy, anger, intimidation, scared, threatened insignificant and to be fair, a little bat shit crazy!

A lioness about to fight for her cubs.

We argued (mainly driven by me and all the feelings I was fighting) and they shouldn’t have happened the way that they did but I had no capacity to deal with the thought of another woman raising my kids, half the week, the same amount of time as I would. It’s a huge ask for any mother.

You clearly needed time to find your boundaries in your new surroundings, it was only natural that there would be blurred lines for a while, but when it comes to her kids, a mother rarely has the ability to rationalise.

I had to just suck it up and find a way to deal with it, and so it was named the party year.

I drunk too much and slept too little. I partied hard in inappropriate places and hooked up with inappropriate people. I was just a passenger in my own life, surviving, not living.

I used to see you comment on my kids Facebook status’ in full public view and bile would rise, the red mist would fall and I was stuck, back in that place of dread and fear. You had the same surname as them, I didn’t, so to the outside world, you must be their mum right? And so who was I? I felt as though I was becoming obsolete in my own children’s lives and this scared me even more.

The strangest part of all this is that I too am a step-mother, I raise my step-sons half the week, just like you do, I totally understand how hard it is to raise another woman’s children because they come with the man you love, and yet, I couldn’t get past my absolute loathing for you.

But know the years have passed, I have watched you raising my kids and the impact you have on them, you have done and are doing a great job. I come realise that all the hurt was being created by me alone, and I’ve worked hard at dealing with that and feel now I have some much needed peace.

When you commented on my sons FB status this morning, I waited for the dagger to heart, but it didn’t come, a name is just a name, you have as much right to rejoice in these children as I do, I may have made them but I don’t own them, they are on this earth for us all to enjoy.

We are all their parents, and we should all bask in the work that we’ve put in.

So I want to say, sorry for the my part in the early days, and thank you for being their step-mum, we’re all lucky to have you, let’s get on with enjoying our kids

Lauren xx

Lauren Derrett

I'm Lauren, Founder of Wear 'em Out, reusable period pads for the empowered eco-curious. Mother of 4, Step-Mother of 2, I've been parenting for 24 years so have seen and learned a lot of stuff

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