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Are you Ready?
Lets get right to it; are you ready to procreate??
I should start by confessing, I have zero qualifications to tell you what the ’right’ time is, or even about planning a family at all. I fell pregnant accidentally, five months before our Wedding, 10,500 miles away from my family, at a point where I loved
Was it hard? Yes. Would I change it? No. I don’t think my husband and I are the sort of people who could sit down and say; right, we are emotionally evolved enough, financially stable and sick & tired of sleep and free time-lets make a baby. Although I was completely clueless about the realities of parenthood (e.g. I had no idea it was so hard sometimes/the vast majority of the time), I didn’t underestimate it’d change my life beyond recognition. I enjoyed
I think that there really is no perfect time, and you will make it work with whatever you are and have. The people who really believe they are ready are probably the ones to worry about. The friends who hand out parenting advice like experts without having actually birthed anyone, changed a nappy, or lactated a day in their lives, and think they’ve got it all sorted, because they’re the ones who are in for
In a lot of ways it really can never be an intellectual decision, it’s completely irrational. they take your energy, money, time, your freedom, challenge you relationship, drain your body, and unintentionally (most of the time) inflict significant physical and psychological pain-sure lets do it. For a lot of us I think its a basic primitive desire to reproduce, ’must procreate, must continue human race’. It’s a hormone driven, gut led, left brain, form of clucky craziness.
So we have established I don’t truly believe
Here are a few reasons which perhaps aren’t the right reason to reproduce:
Your friends are doing it
While I know that it can feel really excluding when your friend have babies, they talk of nothing else. I moved to a town where most women my age had children or were pregnant. whilst they were lovely, we were at such
But my childless friends now are so valuable to me, they are also a connection to the old me in someways I guess. At times I’d say-tell me about your life, let me live vicariously through you. And at times I have had the best support and suggestions from non
From a practical point of view, those friends having babies now-they’ll be the ones offering hand-me-downs, support, and babysitting when the time does come. They’ll really get it. And even if there’s a significant age gap, your kids will all happily play together in the future.
Your parents want Grandchildren
I appreciate that some future Grannies (and Grandpa’s) can get pretty pushy about their need for Grandbabies. But as much as you want to
Your partner wants them
Fulfilling the parental desire of the person you love is a very strong drive. It’s a 50/50 partnership after all, and who are you to deny them? But the reality is, it’s not equal, especially the first part of a child’s life, that bit where your body is changing to carry them, where you are the sole food source. Your career aspirations possibly set aside,
Society tells you to have them
I don’t think we had been together six months before comments about children started, and continued constantly. Most of my friends get harassed from the moment they walk down the aisle, about when will babies be on the way (FYI; a handy way to escape this is by being five month pregnant when you get married). It’s incredibly insensitive, no one knows your story, and people can be idiots. But they are not going to be there at midnight for a feed (or 12.15, 12.30, or
Because your relationship needs repairing
Extreme sleep deprivation, stress, financial challenges, and dramatic lifestyle changes are fabulous ways to heal a struggling marriage don’t you think. Throw in
Something feels like its missing
This one is a bit of a tricky one. That gut feeling I was talking about earlier, that irrational, clucky, gap in your heart? Well I guess thats it really isn’t it. But at the same time,
Originally published on http://www.intrepidbebe.com