Every day, all of us have decisions to make. Some are small and seemingly insignificant, some are Big And Important; which shirt to wear, bra or no bra, what to have for lunch, whether to wait to fix your car bumper that’s held together by gaffer tape, whether to get that mole on your back checked. These things change day by day, the choices are infinite to an extent, but you can pretty much meander through the day feeling reasonably sorted.

And then, there’s kindness.

Just to clarify, I’m not talking about being nice, which is perfectly… well…nice. Being nice is entirely different to being kind, it has a different energy and purpose. Being nice is, for the most part, a self-motivated act. It’s a pleasant smile to make things cool. It’s a casual “hey” to be polite. It can be used to polish a spiky situation or deflect attention. It’s a perfectly reasonable choice and can be very helpful, but ultimately it’s motivated by a selfish need to make things manageable. We all play “nice” in our lives, we use it to navigate work politics, avoid arguments and handle social awkwardness. It’s a universal WD-40. A survival tactic, to some degree. Smile, wave, and move it along.

Being kind is a completely different action. It’s a step further. It’s rooted in a deeper, and more established confidence of yourself and others, and wanting to genuinely contribute to someone else’s well-being. It means you’re taking the time and energy to actually give a shit. It’s altruistic, open-hearted and genuine. I’ll be totally honest, sometimes it feels like too much of an effort in a weird way. But, ohhh the best thing about being kind? It feels incredible on so many levels. For everyone involved. It feels real. It feels honest and true to the grainy, raw fabric of who we all are.  And when does something positive ever make anyone feel bad? Never. Someone’s day, and your day as a result, could be altered with just one word, one smile, one hey I’ll help you reach that cereal on the top shelf. You have absolutely nothing to lose except 20 seconds or even longer than that, if you’re lucky.

Being kind also doesn’t preclude inherently normal and human behaviour, like being opinionated, strong, ballsy, crazy, fearless, honest, stubborn, loud, independent, single-minded and willing to face situations without hesitation or reservation. Being kind can happily exist within all of those traits and is ultimately the umbrella that hovers over and informs everything equally; when you’re kind as well as true to yourself, you are ultimately being the best human that you can be.

You can never predict or assume that other people’s expectations or interpretations of you will be what you want them to be. People will like you, dislike you, hate you, troll you, judge you, disagree with you. None of it matters. The collective uproar of people who judge you in real life or on social media doesn’t dictate who you are. Only you can do that. You make the choice whether to be kind or not and you have to be proud of whatever you decide.

On a planet where there is so much digital noise and heavy bias against, or for, certain people and cultures and opinions and fashion choices and parenting decisions (I’m exhausted just typing that) and it all feels terribly divisive… how about choosing to be kind? Be patient with people. Keep an open mind, even if sometimes you don’t feel like it. Maybe even take it a step further and try and get to know them. Invest some time finding out their story. Preconceived ideas about who people are and why they do the things they do is understandable, but judging them negatively and using it as a weapon against them is not. It’s terribly limiting, and closes the door to any possibility of learning anything, on either side. One of the coolest things about life is Learning About All The Stuff…and the key to finding all that great stuff? Kindness.