close
SM-Stamp-Join-1
  • Selfish Mother is the most brilliant blogging platform. Join here for free & you can post a blog within minutes. We don't edit or approve your words before they go live - it's up to you. And, with our cool new 'squares' design - you can share your blog to Instagram, too. What are you waiting for? Come join in! We can't wait to read what YOU have to say...

  • Your basic information

  • Your account information

View as: GRID LIST

Being Home Alone

1
During half term, when Edward stays with his Grandparents, I’d like to believe the celestial being that I, obviously, was pre-toddler reappears. In a flash of glitter glue and fairy lights. Maybe with wings. Looking smoking hot. Because this celestial version of myself wears make-up, hoop earrings, has looked in the mirror prior to leaving the house, wears clean clothes (no mud, yoghurt, sick, sticky bits or hand – sometimes foot – prints), arrives to appointments on time (pushing it), reads lots of intellectual, thought provoking books and is
SelfishMother.com
2
two dress sizes smaller from not eating left over toddler food.

However certain things stand in the way of the arrival of my celestial self.

Here’s a list of five.

1. Intellectual Bedtime Reading

My bedside table will still look like it’s time for CBeebies bedtime story (without Tom Hardy).

2. Getting Ready to Go Out

Er…sink…are you under there somewhere? Using the sink to brush my teeth, lay out a bit of makeup so I can use the mirror, means I’m going to have to find it amongst bath toys full of cold water. No point

SelfishMother.com
3
trying the bath, it’s stuffed to the gills with toys…which is why my sink is also full.

3. Trip Hazards

Lego, Duplo, Brio…notice how all lethal toddler toys end with an ‘O’, because it’s preemptive, it’s a ‘Lets clear up the Duplo…O…Oh…F**K! I just stood on a piece’ That’s right stand on one of these babies and I’ll be hobbling for hours in a highly uncelestial fashion. Just because Edward isn’t here doesn’t mean he’s taken the Mummy torture traps with him. All that spare time I thought I had will now go

SelfishMother.com
4
into mine sweeping.

4. Clean Clothes

Remember those. When ‘to wash’ piles were not mingled with ‘washed’ piles not mingled with ‘clean but wet’ piles not mingled with ‘clean, dry and on the stairs’ piles not mingled with clothes in drawers (clean), on chairs (worn but clean). As a celestial being I had no mini helper finding me clean pants which is a fault of being celestial, but the enthusiastic hunt of the mini helper means, like overplayed playdough, all piles become one and jeans I thought were clean, are actually

SelfishMother.com
5
still…

5. The Car

Congratulations to me, I made it out the door after avoiding the ‘O’ toys, balancing toothpaste on sink filled with bath toys, using the cold water to clean off my jeans and I can easily apply lippy in the car. It’s all good. I’m looking hot, celestial and my car/chariot awaits. Nothing about me says ‘mum let out of the house alone’…oh…except possibly…

SelfishMother.com

By

This blog was originally posted on SelfishMother.com - why not sign up & share what's on your mind, too?

Why not write for Selfish Mother, too? You can sign up for free and post immediately.


We regularly share posts on @SelfishMother Instagram and Facebook :)

- 20 Feb 17

During half term, when Edward stays with his Grandparents, I’d like to believe the celestial being that I, obviously, was pre-toddler reappears. In a flash of glitter glue and fairy lights. Maybe with wings. Looking smoking hot. Because this celestial version of myself wears make-up, hoop earrings, has looked in the mirror prior to leaving the house, wears clean clothes (no mud, yoghurt, sick, sticky bits or hand – sometimes foot – prints), arrives to appointments on time (pushing it), reads lots of intellectual, thought provoking books and is two dress sizes smaller from not eating left over toddler food.

However certain things stand in the way of the arrival of my celestial self.

Here’s a list of five.

1. Intellectual Bedtime Reading

My bedside table will still look like it’s time for CBeebies bedtime story (without Tom Hardy).

img_9118

2. Getting Ready to Go Out

Er…sink…are you under there somewhere? Using the sink to brush my teeth, lay out a bit of makeup so I can use the mirror, means I’m going to have to find it amongst bath toys full of cold water. No point trying the bath, it’s stuffed to the gills with toys…which is why my sink is also full.

img_9119

3. Trip Hazards

Lego, Duplo, Brio…notice how all lethal toddler toys end with an ‘O’, because it’s preemptive, it’s a ‘Lets clear up the Duplo…O…Oh…F**K! I just stood on a piece’ That’s right stand on one of these babies and I’ll be hobbling for hours in a highly uncelestial fashion. Just because Edward isn’t here doesn’t mean he’s taken the Mummy torture traps with him. All that spare time I thought I had will now go into mine sweeping.

img_7523

4. Clean Clothes

Remember those. When ‘to wash’ piles were not mingled with ‘washed’ piles not mingled with ‘clean but wet’ piles not mingled with ‘clean, dry and on the stairs’ piles not mingled with clothes in drawers (clean), on chairs (worn but clean). As a celestial being I had no mini helper finding me clean pants which is a fault of being celestial, but the enthusiastic hunt of the mini helper means, like overplayed playdough, all piles become one and jeans I thought were clean, are actually still…

img_3116

5. The Car

Congratulations to me, I made it out the door after avoiding the ‘O’ toys, balancing toothpaste on sink filled with bath toys, using the cold water to clean off my jeans and I can easily apply lippy in the car. It’s all good. I’m looking hot, celestial and my car/chariot awaits. Nothing about me says ‘mum let out of the house alone’…oh…except possibly…

img_9105

Did you enjoy this post? If so please support the writer: like, share and comment!


Why not join the SM CLUB, too? You can share posts & events immediately. It's free!

One Mum. Following One Boy and Two Ridgebacks. Till the end of time (and beyond).

Post Tags


Keep up to date with Selfish Mother — Sign up for our newsletter and follow us on social media