Being wife #2 is Tough

Lauren Derrett - 15 Jun 16

Dear Husband

When we met we both knew that we would never have the carefree, ‘just us’ relationship. Ever. We tried to emulate it on weekends when the kids were all at the other parent’s houses, but even in those times, our minds would wander off wondering about our respective kids and what they might be up to. A text would come in from a kid or an ex and send us right off kilter, our weekend wasn’t and never would be just ours.

We adjusted to this new form of relationship, one that was so new to us but with a familiar understanding of how each of us were feeling. And whilst there is an understanding, it doesn’t always make sense!?

I know that you can’t ever love me as much as you love your children, yet I so wish you could.

I know that I’ll never be your main priority, yet I so wish I could.

I know that if you took a call that said your kids needed you that you’d leave me behind and tend to them, yet I so wish you wouldn’t.

I know that at weekends your kids are with us it becomes about you indulging in them and me indulging in mine, time is short with these kids, yet I so wish we indulged in us.

I know that you have to answer the call/text/email from your ex wife day and night, yet I so wish you didn’t.

I know that I’ll never be your first true love,  that I never evoked that youthful exuberance you get from your first encounter at love, yet I so wish I was.

I know that our relationship will always be secondary to that of our children, yet I so wish it wasn’t.

This is by far the hardest relationship that I’ve ever been in, the considerations, compromises, the guilt, the constant shift in dynamic, the desperation to be one family unit.

This is our relationship and we make it work in spite of everything. And that’s what we have together, above all else, we make it work! Some days we have to work harder than others and some days are like swimming up stream with the weight of our kids strapped to us like we’re their life rafts. We are there life rafts.

We could tell ourselves that they’ll be grown soon and then ‘we’ will truly become ‘us’, but our thoughts will always be full of our kids and our house full of their kids.

So I guess, it’s acceptance that this is it. Our relationship, our life, our blended family.

Love always, Wife x

#StillFu*kingHardThough

Lauren Derrett

I'm Lauren, Founder of Wear 'em Out, reusable period pads for the empowered eco-curious. Mother of 4, Step-Mother of 2, I've been parenting for 24 years so have seen and learned a lot of stuff

View profile for posts, events and more info