BITCHING IS SO 1992

Molly Gunn - 23 Aug 14

I got shunned at the pre-school gates the other day. Yes, really. I did a double-take when it happened, as I didn’t realise that type of thing actually went on these days. Call me naive but I’d never witnessed it before. I’d only read about it in annoying newspaper features with titles like “Mum Wars At the School Gates…,” but until now I’d never realised it actually happened.

The shunning lady arrived at the preschool at the same time as me, only to put on some sunglasses and hide around a corner… as if trying to go incognito in broad daylight was better than just saying ‘hello.’ I have inklings as to why she did this, but I won’t go into them because that isn’t the point, and erm, she might read this blog, so I’ll keep it vague!

Suffice to say, she blanked me. And I found it so ridiculous, that I nearly laughed out loud. Wow, I’ve never experienced that before, I thought to myself while making a point of cheerily waving to let her know that I’d clocked her.

But it definitely irked me, and I couldn’t put my finger on exactly why until a few days later, I noticed a few other mums do a similar thing while I was at a very civilised (posh) mother-toddler group. These mums were just a little bit too cliquey. As in exclusive, ignoring others, type-of-cliquey. So, again, I put on a huge smile and made a point of chatting to them, even though it looked like they’d rather not have welcomed a newcomer to their tribe.

And then I realised: it’s just so uncool these days, isn’t it, to be exclusive or unfriendly?

Whenever I encounter bitchy behaviour it feels so… dated. So schoolish. It feels like playground antics when I was 14. As if we’re back in 1992, and we haven’t grown up or evolved as women. It feels pretty laughable to encounter it in 2014, because it feels so very unfashionable.

I don’t know about you, but I feel like we’ve got it better than ever when it comes to women supporting women. Feminism feels like it’s on the rise and women are far happier – nay, outwardly proud – of supporting the sisterhood.

99% of women I know (and of course all the ladies who read and write the wonderful words on this site), thrive on connecting and welcoming each other and all our weird and wonderful views. We want to support each other. Help each other out. Introduce ourselves. We want to say HELLO and then have a brilliant conversation and form plans for world takeovers.

And this feels… FANTASTIC. It feels EXCITING. And brimming with POSSIBILITIES.

Because we know these days, that there is room for us all. We don’t have to bristle with each other, or nudge each other with our elbows, or exclude anyone from the conversation, because.. the more the merrier.

So, when I meet women who are bitchy, or gossipy, or unfriendly, or cold, or guarded I just want to shout to them, “BE NICE!! You’ll get more from it, trust me…and did you know that behaving like that makes you look so very 1992?”

But all I do is smile sweetly and hope they’ll get the message subliminally, instead.

Molly Gunn

Molly Gunn is the Curator of Goodness at Selfish Mother, a site she created for likeminded women in 2013. Molly has been a journalist for over 15 years, starting out on fashion desks at The Guardian, The Telegraph & ES Magazine before going freelance in 2006 to write for publications including Red, Stella, Grazia, Net-A-Porter and ELLE. She now edits Selfish Mother and creates #GoodTees which are sold via TheFMLYStore.com and John Lewis and have so far raised £650K for charity. Molly is mother to Rafferty, 5, Fox, 3 and baby Liberty. Molly is married to Tom, aka music producer Tee Mango and founder of Millionhands. They live, work and play in Somerset.

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