BITTERSWEET THIRTEEN

Natalie Alexia - 8 Oct 14

A month ago my eldest daughter Tallulah turned 13. The day before her birthday, every time I said ‘Tallulah’s turning 13’ or talked about her birthday or her party, I started blubbing! I was an emotional mess…

My emotions were so high because it feels like the end of an era. I’ve been noticing it for a while now; she stopped taking ‘toys’ on planes when we travelled. She no longer has ‘play dates,’ instead her friends come round to ‘hang out.’ She has a skin care regime, loves liquid eyeliner and when displeased gives out a look that could wilt flowers.

I think part of my sadness is about how quickly it’s gone… It seems like just yesterday, that we brought her home from the hospital. Then she was a baby in a highchair with tomato sauce all over her face. Then she was sitting in a bucket of water in our back yard in the summer. Then she wanted yet another littlest pet toy bought for her.

13 years, and if I’m really honest the fear is about… that the next 5 years will be gone in the blink of an eye. She’s my baby, her smile lights up my mornings and afternoons each and everyday.

Our chats punctuate my life with fun, laughs and happiness. And really, what I’m feeling is a fear of an inevitable loss. Of course it wont be a real loss. In fact I know it will be a beautiful experience to continue to watch her grow… but I’m losing my baby.

She changed my life, she changes my life… and there’s a part of me that wants to hold on tightly and never let go.

For those of you who don’t know me, she’s not my only child… I have two more aged 8 and 5, equally as special, an equal source of fun & love in my life. Maybe I’m a glutton for punishment… but I love it!

I love being a Mum, love having them around. When I tell people I have three kids, they often suck through their teeth and say something like ‘you’re brave’ or ‘you’ve got a lot on your plate’.

But I’ve never seen it like that, when I had Tallulah at 21, my heart opened up and love poured out. I experienced a level of love for another person that I never dreamed possible.

When I was pregnant with her brother Theo, I was worried… surely it wasn’t possible to love two people this much, how on earth would this work itself out? Did I have a greater capacity for loving?

The answer was… yes, I did. The 3rd time before Matilda came along I had the exact same concern, it surely isn’t possible to feel this depth of love for three people? But I discovered, yet again, yes it is.

They each have their own challenges, but it always feels like an adventure… like we’re on the sea of life together, learning how to navigate the waters. Sometimes we go off course but we re-group and try a new approach.

I think this when I look at any situation in life…it’s all about perspective.

To me, being a Mum will always be an adventure and a privilege… I feel so lucky that I get to play this role in their lives. OK sometimes they drive me crazy… but there’s nobody else in the world I’d rather hang out with.

So, I guess this week’s been a gentle reminder, to stay present… especially as my youngest, Matilda also had her 1st day at Kindergarden, too. It’s happy, but a little sad also.

Enjoy the moments and create memories. Sit in gratitude for the opportunity to share in this experience of watching these amazing beings grow from little bundles wrapped in blankets to teenagers… dipping their toes in all the adventure life has to offer.

I accept that nothing lasts forever and if the last 13 years were any indication the next 13 years will be amazing!

Natalie Alexia

Natalie is a speaker, trainer, life & business coach at Lifeletloose.com. She lives in the O.C, California, with her husband Charlie & children Tallulah 13, Theo 8 and Matilda, 5. In those rare, quiet moments when she is not at work, she can be found writing articles, singing, reading or hanging out by the pool with the kids.

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