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Blended Families- Shapeshifting Like The T-1000
It’s been very rainy here and there were puddles dotting the pavement. I watched as they walked side by side and then moved apart to accommodate a puddle that had thoughtlessly come between them. They then rejoined each other in side by side companionship.
It was an image I liked, of the ebb and flow of the two of
It got me thinking of when the tributaries no longer run into the river. When families are not of one accord. When life happens and relationships break down.
I’m not sure if breakdown is a good description, because unless you don’t ever talk to each other again, then it is merely only readjusted.
The blended family is a more acceptable description of what
There ain’t nothing I won’t do for us
It may not be easy
This blended family, but baby
That’s what you do, what you do, what you do
What you do for love
It’s like a lovely kaleidoscope. New colours joining in with old. Reinvigorated and strengthened. Taking new turns, directions and unique patterns. Little jewelled bits of plastic cascading into new places. All of it symmetrical.
We are lucky to live in these times, where in our western culture most
How many of us would have been in a tricky spot if born a hundred or two hundred years ago?
Our right to voice our opinion or act as we felt. Do the job best suited to us. Wear what we wanted. Or love who we wanted. Or protect ourselves. Very different times.
If we were unmarried by our late 20s, questions would cease and
I’m always glad I live now. In a time where I’m free to be myself. Many cultures unfortunately, are still a few hundred years behind, and choices are limited.
I’ve been thinking about life after divorce when you have children. It can be messy if the divorce was acrimonious. It’s against the normal order of breaking up. There’s no closure or finality. You will be seeing that person again. They will always be part of your life. And, if you’re like me, you’re grateful and happy for that. Because they are the Father/Mother
So for me, life after divorce is a sequel. It’s The Godfather Part 2, or The Dark Knight. It’s Al Pacino saying ok, we’ve got the Godfather film in the bag. That was pretty good. And now, this sequel is going to be actually surprisingly good. This might turn out to be better than the first one.
It doesn’t have to follow the same formula. The central characters remain the same but shiny new ones are added too.
A sequel can be unique in its own way. New rules. New power. Changed dynamics. It can be cranked-up Sarah & John Connor running from the T-1000. A new lease of life. New challenges. Although not much in the way of costume changes
This is how I like to think of post-separation life. The assimilation that so much is still the same and needs to be cradled carefully to protect it. And, the introduction of the new. Slowly and carefully. There’s no rush.
The new stuff might be a different house. A new routine. But under it all, in essentials it’s the same.
What then happens when new characters are introduced? It always takes me a while to warm to a new cast member joining Coronation Street.
I’m initially a little wary. Are they good
Our children are at the mercy of us as the script writers and that’s quite scary. Better if there are two of you to bounce ideas against. The other parent preferably. Carefully forging a storyline. Giving it a dry run in rehearsals to see how it’s
Characters age and there is the feeling that life carries on. There’s an underlying connection but the surface feels different. Over time the surface will harden and its undulations and pock marks will be the new normal. Whatever normal is.
I feel as long as the integrity of the original is upheld the subsequent stories and characters will find themselves on a firm footing. Like a well done cover
It’s a film set I haven’t wandered onto yet. I don’t know how it will feel in this future setting with new actors. I do know that me, and my former husband are in control of the production company. We commission the creative project together. We have team meetings to discuss amendments and possible new members we want to join our team. We vett and we confer and then re-write the scripts.
Children tumbling against brightly coloured jewelled children. Adults pirouetting and finding their rest. The shhh shhh shhh of
Our adult selves showing we are human.
Giving our children the life lesson that you get dealt all kinds of cards, it’s what you decide to do with them that matters. It shows your strength as a person to adjust. Slot into your new position.
This is obviously the best case scenario. Where everyone gets on, and despite the changes, we all just carry on with it. There’s harmony and new support and friendship. New things to do with your larger family. You might need a bigger car.
I like to think we are
It’s not the fairy tale we grew up with. The prince wasn’t the one after all for Sleeping Beauty. It was another guy she met over 20 years ago on a beach somewhere, (long before the poison apple debacle) who she ended up with. And their happily ever after was no less happy. Maybe more so, because the cherry-lipped alabaster-skinned Beauty knew damn sure what she wanted second time around. She wasn’t going
So, dear reader. How’s your storyboard looking? Is it being constantly updated? A new swatch of upholstery pinned onto it. Plane tickets threaded under its elastic criss-crossing. New photos rubbing shoulders with old. More birthdays to celebrate and more vibrant life to live.
Don’t get me wrong, the fairy tale is still the best outcome, but making this sequel really bloody good is a very close next best thing.
Yours, Carolina