Bonding With Your Unborn Baby

Yoga For Modern Life - 5 Nov 17

Connecting with your body and your unborn baby during pregnancy can be just the most amazing and special time. But for many women not always easy –  pregnancy is such an emotional roller coaster, and also where to start with bonding, actually HOW to do it? Every pregnancy and every pregnant woman is unique. There is no such thing as normal when it comes to emotions during pregnancy. While some women may feel an instant connection to their unborn child from the moment they pee on the stick, for others it can take until the birth (or even after the birth) for that connection to truly take hold. It’s perhaps not something that we talk about much or that pregnant women discuss openly – but actually many women do struggle to bond with their babies during pregnancy. If it’s your first pregnancy it can be hard to relate those flutters inside to an actual babies movements. And if you have experienced loss before, you may find it hard to think positively about the pregnancy and may subconsciously be delaying bonding as a form of self protection.  Pregnancy can feel so overwhelming, as can impending motherhood and you may simply feel unable to bond with your baby just yet. Then as the pregnancy goes on and you grow closer to meeting your baby, you may feel worried that you do not yet feel that connection with your baby.

But you can start to initiate the bond between mother and baby many months before you actually meet. From singing to knitting, journally to massage here are some lovely ideas to bond with your bump and have a wonderfully positive and connected pregnancy. Not all will resonate with you, and that’s absolutely fine, just pick the ones that work for you (it’s a good lesson to learn for motherhood in general – go your own way!):

1. Talk to your baby – out loud

After your baby is born he or she will recognise your voice (because she has spent months listening to you chatting to your other half, on the phone and singing in the shower). So spend some time each day talking to your baby, telling her about the things you will do together, and how you are feeling that day. You may find that your baby responds to the sound of your voice, and begins kicking and nudging you as you talk.

From around 20 weeks your baby will be able to hear your heartbeat clearly and start to recognise voices from the womb – pretty amazing! Plus, some research suggests your baby can recognise his mother’s voice, so regularly nattering away to him will boost bonding after birth.  Why not curl up on the sofa in the afternoon with your fave book and read aloud to your bump?

2. Put on some beats

There’s nothing quite like music to soothe you, and it’s exactly the same for your little one – even in the womb. Whether it’s you singing to your bump or dad playing his favourite CD on repeat your baby will start to recognise the different rhythms and noises. Babies normally prefer music with a strong, regular beat as it reminds them of your heartbeat. Studies show that music also contributes to your baby’s foundation for language skills, so it’s the perfect excuse for putting your feet up and listening to your favourite tracks.

3. Massage

Massaging your bump from the start of your pregnancy is not only a great way to bond with your baby but to wind down and relax. Oils like lavender or mandarin are safe to use after the first trimester (never use neat, always follow the dilution instructions) and make for an indulgent and soothing massage – or get your partner to do it for an even more relaxing experience.

You can also nudge back! Right now your baby’s only method of communication is kicks and nudges. You have probably noticed that your baby becomes particularly active when you sit down to rest, or are trying to get to sleep at night. Play with your baby by responding to her movements, gently nudge back when he/she nudges you, and see what he/she does. You can also rub your belly in the area you feel movements.

Research has found that once your baby starts to feel your touch, from about 20 weeks, they are able to distinguish between their parents touch compared to that of a stranger. Amazing!

4. Frame a Photo

It’s of course hard to bond with someone you have never met or know what they look like, we are very visual creatures. Even  though baby is growing inside you right now, he/she can feel like a total stranger. So get your scan pictures out and spend  time looking at them each day. You could frame a photograph to keep by your desk at work, set it as the screen picture on your smartphone, and stick one on your fridge.

Demi Moore might have been the first, but she’s not the only one to capture her beautiful bump forever. And, while you might not be on the cover of an international magazine, having your photograph taken during pregnancy can be an amazing way of remembering it as well as bonding with your new bump too.

5. Go To Pregnancy Yoga

These special yoga classes give you a chance to escape the busyness and stress of daily life, and focus on you and your pregnancy for a while. In pregnancy yoga you move through postures that are all really beneficial for your pregnant body, as well as working with breathing techniques to calm and relax you. Plus you get some time to really relax with your baby too. All in a super supportive environment, surrounded by other pregnant women. Its a special place to be, and many brilliant friendships are formed this way too. Classes are a great way to guarantee yourself time to focus on you and your baby each week – which can be difficult to find with life and preparing for a new baby going on. Yoga has been proven to be beneficial for depression and anxiety during pregnancy.

Not only does it keep you feeling fit and healthy during your pregnancy and can also have a positive, calming effect on your baby. The movement of your body helps to rock him in the amniotic fluid and the endorphins released during exercise will pass across the placenta, too.

Take a look at some pregnancy yoga videos here – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mH_vDZBG18A&list=PLGhq41TyqrEcqzCjPAAmsJm7TXSbwTQvK

Find out more about pregnancy yoga here – http://www.yogaformodernlife.com/pregnancy-yoga/

6. Breathe and connect  

When you are pregnant it’s so important to find some time to really connect to yourself, to your heart, to your intuition and to your baby. And to spend some time each day relaxing and just ‘being’ – enjoying this amazing and special time in your life. Clinical research even shows that taking 15 minutes a day to relax leads to better outcomes from both mum and baby. So I’ve got a couple of lovely and totally free online Pregnancy breath practices and meditations you can do, and have some time for you each day.

The Ocean Breath is a softly audible breath, in this technique we gently extend the exhalation which is a clever yogic trick which brings the mind and body to a calmer place. The soft sound also helps you to really connect with the breath, and helps you come into a state more of ‘being’ and less of ‘doing’ or thinking. Its great to use in pregnancy, and also postnatally as babies often respond well to this gently audible breath when trying to put them to sleep (from personal experience this does work…sometimes!!). You can download the Ocean Breathing for pregnancy mp3 here:

http://www.yogaformodernlife.com/pregnancy-yoga/

And also see the lovely praxtice to connect you to your heart and to baby – http://www.yogaformodernlife.com/blog/pregnancy-meditation-relaxation

7.  Involve Dad too

Its also good to remember that it can be really hard for Dad to develop a bond with baby too, and your partner can feel quite removed from the pregnancy.  So when you feel the baby kick, grab your partner’s hands to feel your tummy so that he can feel the movements too, and let him respond by rubbing your bump in the same spot. He could even read or sing to baby too. You may find that you develop a stronger bond with both the baby and the dad-to-be simply by watching their relationship strengthen.

Even though babies build a biochemical bond with their mama before they leave the womb, bonding with your bump is something the whole family can get involved in. Well, you, your partner and any other little ones you have running around that is.

8. Make A Keepsake

Invest some time in making a gift or keepsake for your developing baby. You could knit or crochet a blanket to wrap her in after the birth, make a quilt for her new nursery, or make a framed picture to hang on her wall. If you are a beginner, choose an easy project to begin with. You may even like to make a pregnant belly cast (closer to your due date) to remember your beautifully round belly forever. You can paint and decorate it afterwards, or have a belly cast artist decorate it for you. You might choose to have baby’s footprints on the cast, the whole family’s handprints, or any other themes you might think of.

 9. Slow Down

Yes, there is a lot to do before the baby arrives, but you don’t need to do it all today. You need more rest during pregnancy, so try to slow down and take it easy for a while. Set aside time each day to simply sit and focus on your pregnancy – not a time to write more to do lists or pick out baby furniture – but just a time to sit and think about your developing baby. You could combine this with a walk or relaxing bath if this helps you to fit it into your schedule. Delegate where you can, and don’t feel bad getting help around the home, its very common these days! Accepting offers of help can really take a load off, and remember, people wouldn’t offer if they didn’t want to help, honestly.

10. Journaling

How about keeping a pregnancy journal to help you focus on the pregnancy. Don’t worry about writing a rose-tinted view of pregnancy, just be honest. Talk about how you feel physically, and any worries and concerns you might be feeling. This may help to identify what is causing any anxiety, and help you take steps to overcome it.  A gratitude journal can also be really lovely to do, each morning/evening simple write down 3 things that you are grateful for. It can help put a positive spin on your day ahead, or have positive feelings to fall asleep with.

11. Have A Blessingway (Mother Blessing)

If you feel like you’re not bonding with your unborn baby, a blessingway may help to get some oxytocin flowing. Unlike a baby shower, a blessingway is all about the mother-to-be. There’s no commercial gift giving involved. Just a loving, nurturing circle of women who get together to share stories, nurture the mother-to-be and to create some beautiful rituals. Being with other women and having the focus on you might sound a little overwhelming for some, but it can be incredibly empowering, grounding and reassuring. One of your closest friends or family members may even be able to help you to do a plaster belly cast for your blessingway! Painting it either before or after your baby arrives provides an opportunity to make something unique and creative.

12. Focus On Your Good Points

One reason some women fail to bond with their bumps, is that they are too busy worrying that they will be terrible mothers. Some women suffer from anxiety-filled dreams, or worry that they will repeat the mistakes of past generations. Stop worrying. Push the negativity aside, and instead focus on all of the things that will make you a wonderful mother. Write them down and stick them on the fridge… okay, on your bedroom door is fine if you wish. Think about the type of mother you want to be, and how you will go about that. Increased positivity may help you to better look forward to motherhood. Some mothers find that they gain more confidence by reading good books to help give them more knowledge and tools.  Two books that are reassuring for new mothers are Parenting By Heart by Pinky McKay and What Mothers Do: Especially When It Looks Like Nothing by Naomi Stadlen.

And finally, let go of the guilt If you don’t feel like you’re bonding with your unborn baby yet, don’t beat yourself up. Pregnancy can be a difficult time – you are dealing with a changing body, irrational hormones, lack of sleep and are probably preoccupied with worries and concerns for the future. It can be hard to bond with a person you’ve never met, but that doesn’t mean you won’t ever feel that strong connection. Try not to feel guilty, and instead focus on trying to bond with your baby, but accept that you might be one of the many mothers who deeply in love after the birth, and not before.

Susan x

Susan is a Pregnancy Yoga teacher at www.yogaformodernlife.com and a hypnobirthing teaching at www.formodernmothers.com . I’m a self-confessed Birth Geek and absolute supporter and empowerer or women through their journey to conceive, through pregnancy and into motherhood.

Yoga For Modern Life

Mother, creative director, pregnancy yoga teacher, hypnobirthing teacher and doula. Lover of good food, red wine, chocolate and sunshine. A birth geek and a supported of women.

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