Boys, Toys and Automobiles

Megan Clark - 1 Jun 16

Some days, on bad days, I feel like I need one of those signs and sirens ‘wide load, coming through, wide load’. On particularly bad days it’s due to my love/hate relationship with my hips. On other days it’s due to the sheer amount of stuff I’m carrying with no help from my wonderful, energetic, head strong, wild things.

I happen to be mother to two strapping young lads! Ok, not quite lads yet but “big boys”. The type of kids that people feel the need to comment on their size – like just the other night, whilst eyeing up some special cars a neighbor has he commented on how “big” he is for a four year old. I smiled politely. We’re that family that have to stand outside the house watching the very flash cars drive up and around the block whilst they are changed over, listening to engine roars and waving – like the Queen (on my part) – because we have car mad boys who love the look, touch, smell, feel and sound of the cars (number one left a lovely nose print on the window of said car that evening!). In-fact, they love any kind of transport, weapon, brick, lego piece, musical instrument, teddy, dinosaur and book. Anyhoo, I am the mother of two boys, who are quite wild at times; not feral (as my brother lovingly pointed out once) but yes, quite wild.  After 4 years and two boys I’m quite used to the comments and people’s need to comment on them or us, but there are some things I don’t get and I’m not quite sure of the meaning behind them.

1. “Two boys, you have your hands full”

Now then, let’s lay this straight… anyone carrying a handbag, kids bag, child’s favourite toy or comforter, child on one hip and another holding the leg/arm or any part he can grab definitely has their hands full. Add into the mix trying to push a buggy (that children do not want to sit in) and it turns into a wonderful dance or fun game of ‘chase’ or ‘tag’. So , thank you for stating the obvious – my literal self sometimes wonders why people feel the need to state the obvious but then the non-literal side can read the meaning between the lines. I have two boys; therefore I have my hands full. Don’t get me wrong, my hands are always full, but I’m pretty sure my friends with two girls or one girl and a boy or one girl or one boy or two girls and a boy or three boys and a girl (you get the idea) have their hands full a lot; because regardless of the sex of our children, having children equates to having full hands – always! Sometimes it’s children, sometimes it’s toys, sometimes it’s sick as you catch it whilst your child voms in the car on a long car journey – whatever it is, as a parent, our hands are generally ‘full’. Please don’t assume that because I have two boys it is somehow worse for me and please don’t feel sorry for me – I flipping love the wild things and would have it no other way.

2. Non-verbal comments!

The comments are one thing, the looks are another. Those looks that have sad eyes, worrying for you, feeling sorry for you, judging you, laughing at you. If you really feel the need to stare, or my presence and the presence of my children bothers you – just talk to us – it’s much better than staring! Either that, or walk away.

3. Two boys, so are you going to try for a girl.

I’m not sure how many people really discuss pro-creation amongst their closest family members and friends let alone complete strangers or acquaintances. I just don’t understand this comment at all and I actually find it a little upsetting and a little insulting. I am blessed beyond measure to have these beautiful, somewhat lively, humans in my life. Every day I look at them and wonder how I can possible love them more and shed a wee tear as I notice a new mole (let’s hope they don’t take after me in that sense) or a new side to their character, or a new favourite thing and I think I’ve blinked and missed a year. I find it sad that people assume that because I have boys I must want or need a girl. I’m not sure where this comes from, because as far as I can see, when our children are little, people assume you must want one of each or if you’re a woman you must really want or even need a girl. Ultimately, you are giving the message that you think little boys are not as good, not as fun. You talk of a time where girls as they grow will always want their mum but boys will flee the nest and ‘never return’. Ok, that’s a bit dramatic but there’s an old saying along the same kind of lines. As our children grow however, roles change a little and all of a sudden it’s the boys who are “flying high” and pushed or told they must get the sought after jobs and it’s the girls who are fighting for equal rights. I know of mums of girls who have never been asked if they are going to “try again for a boy”. What’s wrong with boys? The message you are giving my children is that they are not good enough and the message you give me when you ask me this is that you think my life to be incomplete and assume I must be unhappy or left wanting. I’m not. Some people do want “one of each” and some people don’t. However people feel, certain opinions, views and subtle hints should not be thrust upon us. Please do not assume anything of me. If we were to have more children, it would be because we want to increase our family, not because it’s not good enough with ‘just boys’.

4. Do you let him have long hair because you wanted a girl?

NO

See above.

Boys can have long hair too.

5. “Oh, so you let him play with pushchairs”

I don’t believe there are girl and boy toys and if my son wants to cuddle his dolly and push her in his pushchair or push his cars and trains around a track it really doesn’t bother me. If he is playing, learning and enjoying himself, surely that’s all that matters. If I didn’t let him play with his pretend kitchen (because we all know kitchens are just for girls) I’d really miss my cups of tea with pineapple, pizza, strawberries and cake with a side of teenage mutant ninja turtle on the side for breakfast. My husband pushes my kids in the pushchair and makes dinner (occasionally!!!). What am I telling and teaching my children if I don’t let them play with these ‘toys’.

6. “They’re certainly lively, aren’t they” (raised eyebrows)

I’m not sure if this is really a comment about my kids or my parenting skills and not controlling my lively kids but anyhoo…Yes, they are lively – they’re children. Most children I know, boys and girls are lively. That’s what I love about children, the freedom they charge with and face each new day with, the joy and liveliness of life. Although it can be a bit stressful, most days I envy their liveliness and try and jump on their train. Our boys are lively; from the moment they wake until they go to bed they are on the move and chatting, singing, dancing, playing guitar, eating, asking questions, making comments, charging, running, eating, screaming, playing guitar, laughing, flipping into headstands on the sofa, eating, skidding on their knees on the floor, being ninja turtles or Lewis Hamilton, playing guitar, break dancing (which is hilarious!) building, eating and then sometimes, they stop, to read a few books and have a cuddle. I know boys have a reputation of being boisterous and loud and always moving and mine certainly fit some of these, but I’m sure there are little girls who love to move all the time too. I don’t see it is as a bad thing, I’m just learning to run so I can keep up with them!

I find myself in the position of being responsible, along with my husband, for these two beautiful little humans and trying to raise them to be the best humans that they can be. It’s a long road, it’s bumpy, it’s fun, it’s tiring and shattering, it’s changing always but it’s my favourite thing and I wouldn’t change it for the world. They teach me new things every day and whether we have boys or girls I think children should be celebrated and supported, raised and encouraged to be the best they can be, regardless of whether they’re born with a willy or a nonny (sorry, still caught in childhood days of not being able to use anatomical names for certain body parts!).

Megan Clark

Wife to one, mother to two beautiful wild things. Dreamer, lover of real coffee, mint matchmakers and sleep. Blogging about motherhood, anxiety and all the bits in between.

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