Breastfeeding and Me

Victoria Ruddick - 28 Jun 16

As it was ‘National Breastfeeding Week’ last week it really got me thinking of my experience with feeding Sonny. Some lovely and some not so lovely moments come to mind…

My breastfeeding journey with my boy has been far from plain sailing. But I was adamant to feed Sonny from the day I found out I was expecting my second. Feeling more relaxed and confident second time round most definitely worked in my favour with feeding him.

Luella was only breastfed for her first two weeks until expressing and formula took over. I remember this being an extremely different decision to make. I was riddled with guilt and saddened that my mind and body were working against me, first time round a new baby is the most exhausting thing to ever experience, as well as getting to know your baby and body. Being reluctant to ask for help, I thought I could do it with ease, and after introducing a bottle to her it changed my life as a new mother, and for the better.

So as I have experienced feeding my babies in both ways, I will not judge what any mother chooses, your body your choice. But with Sonny I just really wanted to give it a second chance and was so thankful I did and persevered. Although we have been happily feeding for over a year now, I’m finding that there’s a negative side to “extended breastfeeding”.

I will add that I realised that this term is not a positive nor normalising one. The word “extended” in my eyes means longer than needed, or originally necessary. Breastfeeding gives your child love and nutrition no matter how long for. I don’t know the facts and statistics, all I know is that I’ve done what seems right for me, yet I have fed for longer than I thought I would and am pleased I have done so.

I wouldn’t have got through those horrendous times without my lactation consultant, even a slight change in positioning made my excruciating time a much happier tale. Tubes of lanolin never left my side as well as muslins and pads. (Top feeding products coming soon…). The saddest part to this is that the wonderful woman who helped me and so many others lost her job through lack of funding, a true travesty if you ask me! But all settled after a toe curling first few weeks, and with only a couple of feverish hiccups along the way, we are now left here feeding in the morning and night. Settled into a routine of two morning feeds, late afternoon, bedtime and one (hopefully) nighttime.

I continuously joke when I say I will feed Sonny till he’s ten, but I am asked “how long will you continue?” so much that this is my go to response. Why is there so much positivity and drive to breastfeed your new baby, and not so much the other end? I do not know how long I will feed him for, who knows when and why our journey will stop but for now we are just fine the way we are. I realise returning to work will have an effect as we won’t be joined at the hip/jugs all day but if I can tackle being a breastfeeding working mother then bloody well go me, and apart from the odd swollen boob on a shift all is well!

I have heard other mothers touch on this subject too and that’s why I’m writing this… For those mothers out there who are being questioned the same as I am, and also for the folk who are asking this little heart sinking question. First of all that this choice should be made by no other than you or your child. Normalising breastfeeding is definitely getting some amazing press around the world so showing a little more thought and grace, being intrigued is one thing but no negative vibes here please! Social media is a wonderful thing for these mama warriors to bravely make the most powerful statements in just one photo, I truly admire them.But there should be more eduction given to new mothers that you don’t have to stop when people tell you you should, or when they think is the “normal” time to stop.

Sonny has grown up so quickly that I feel it’s a little part of him keeping him small and looking after him the best I possibly can. He is slowly getting used to a bottle now and again but putting that extra pressure on me and him isn’t necessary for the moment. I have nowhere to be at nighttime and first thing in the morning so let’s just see how it goes! I’m proud of myself that I’ve got this far so whatever day we decided it’s time to hang up that nursing bra then I’ll be heavy heartedly happy.

Being a mother is a wonderful thing, let’s not judge or question. Let’s all just remember how bloody great boobs are and the ladies behind them!!! <3 xxx

Victoria Ruddick

Mama of 2 living by the sea. Instagram- lumpsandmoose

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