Brexit and the Boys

Louise McLaren - 28 Jun 16

Dear boys,

The UK has just held a referendum about our membership of the European Union, and the vote fell down, by a margin of 58-42, in favour of leaving. So that’s what it seems we will be doing, though at this stage not very much is clear.

I’m not going to make this letter to your future selves a political rant – what purpose will that serve a few years down the line? But as the country grapples with the fall-out of this vote, I found myself thinking again about one of the first concerns I had when the results came in – what will this mean for my children’s futures?

Yesterday I was a bit of a bad mummy and more or less ignored you for snatches of time while I watched the Prime Minister and MPs discuss what might (or might not) happen next in Commons. I’m sorry. But at the time my brain was crowded out with the future and not the present.

This isn’t the place to set out my political beliefs – you’ll no doubt hear enough of those as you grow up, assuming I have the privilege of being alongside you across those years. But it does feel like an ideal point in time to step back and think about what values it is important to try to instil in you, and what skills you might need to thrive in a world it’s hard to envision.

Although there’s some debate about statistics right now, the early indications is that there is an increase in intolerance and hate crime on the back of the referendum result. Sadly we don’t live in one of the most diverse neighbourhoods. Hopefully through receiving a good education and living in London you will by some sort of process of osmosis and gradual conditioning grow up to be welcoming and inclusive. But acceptance of others, whatever their colour of skin or ‘otherness’, such as a disability, is not a mindset that I should take for granted.

What’s more, the referendum and its fall-out on a European level are (an albeit major) historical event in a wider, longer geopolitical trajectory. Who knows what power our country and the EU will have on the global stage in the decades to come? With your blonde hair and blue eyes and English as your first language, maybe before long you’ll find yourselves somewhere as the minority, and maybe as the disadvantaged. Don’t be complacent. Recognise that the autonomy you have and the luxuries you enjoy are merely by dint of who you were born to. You haven’t merited by some sort of specialness living in a nice house with plenty of toys, affection and nutritious food on tap. Remember this when you confront situations of injustice – of countries ravaged by war, of people starving, of people fleeing danger and seeking a better life somewhere, anywhere. This could have been you. This could yet be you.

So don’t sit back and wail or bury your heads in the sand when you see situations you believe are fundamentally injust. The world can only ever change for the better when people apply their values and get involved. Give to charity, get involved in politics if you feel motivated, speak out. Make your voice heard on a micro scale, and a macro one if ever relevant. I want you to have safe, happy lives, but I don’t want you to feel so secure you live in a bubble, get lazy and assume your status quo will last forever. The minute you see something you think is not right, act.

Sometimes you might feel disenfranchised, and frustrated with our politicians. Don’t let that make you bitter, and don’t let that lead you to tarring them all with the same brush, or rejecting the whole system without working to change it. If you feel disconnected but can see any way to do something about it, do it.

And whenever you do speak, do it with integrity. If you quote statistics, make sure they are correct. Back your words up with evidence. Do your research. Never knowingly mislead people to further your aims. Reflect on your decisions and what lies behind them when you vote and make choices. Realise that we mostly go by instinct and work back from that instinct.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently. I know from my own education that many of our political elite have been through a university system with two major cultural components – the art of the ‘all-nighter’ and the art of the bluff. It went against the grain to plan and prepare – you knuckled down at the last minute and pulled something out of the bag. And your success was swayed to a large degree by how well you could dodge around your lack of knowledge, convincing tutors and examiners by smoke-and-mirrors that you had a more robust grasp of the topic than you ever would.

I am not going to comment directly here on our present ruling politicians (they will all have changed soon anyway), but I will say this about how you might work in the future. Firstly, have a plan. Have a plan B. Even a plan C. Envisage and work through scenarios for how things might unroll. Use this planning to alter your course of action, if need be. Do the right thing rather than the thing that will make you look good at the time.

And while you make your plans, think properly about the basis on which you have made them. Have you just sought the evidence that backs up your viewpoint? Have you read and listened more widely, including to those whose views differ from your own? Have you really, really listened when people challenge you? In fact, have you made it clear you are open to challenge? Beware of the ‘echo chamber’ of social media, whatever form that will take in time. Have you thought hard about the principles behind your decisions? Have you checked for evidence?

And then, if you have done all this, you can ‘keep your head when all around are losing theirs’. You can be confident you have done the right thing. You can fight for what you believe in.

Always fight. Just not with each other. And not with me over whether you should be allowed that new Brio level crossing.

Louise McLaren

Louise is a marketing consultant and mother to toddler Rory. She constantly finds herself thinking that her son is the most amazing thing in the world and she can't believe he exists, but a few seconds later that she must get away from the tantrums right this second and have a holiday... Where is her husband when she needs him?!

View profile for posts, events and more info