Caught By The Kitchen Floor

CoffeeAndBubbles - 2 Feb 17

Parenting really is an emotional minefield. One minute it can be all sunshine and lollipops. The next it’s doom and gloom as you wrestle a child into a sensible outfit to leave the house in time for work. The other morning, a Thursday, I could tell we were straddling the tightrope between a smooth sailing departure from the house and a crazed, panicked evacuation. I got the latter.

The morning’s routine ended up with my two-year old and me on the kitchen floor, sobbing. My son was crying because I’d taken an ill-fitting pair of trousers off him and replaced them with a pair he obviously disliked. He was also crying because he “didn’t want to go to nursery”. I was crying because of basically everything but especially because he was crying and I felt crappy. Really crappy.

What made it worse? When he saw that I was crying, he shuffled over from his side of the room and asked if I was OK. *Cue mum guilt* He uttered those words through his own choked tears with his own tear stained cheeks and it sent me into a new phase of guilt-fuelled ugly crying. I’m one of those unfortunate ones that can’t get away with crying too easily. My whole face, especially my nose, goes bright red and blotchy and I may as well have a flashing neon sign above my head that informs everyone I’ve just had a category 5 kitchen floor meltdown. Not ideal for someone about to leave the house and attempt to convince people she was a professional.

I don’t know about other parents, but since being ‘promoted’ to mother status I have become more emotional. I’m almost certain I can no longer blame this on hormones. It has indeed been nearly three years since I was pregnant. Much like how I can no longer blame once having been pregnant for still being a little chubby, I can no longer use the excuse for being emotional and perhaps a bit ditzy. I don’t think I can blame this on being sleep deprived either. According to my Fitbit I got a ‘solid’ 6-hours and 40-minutes of sleep the night before (I don’t even know if that’s considered much these days). However, instead, I assume this emotional state is yet another cruel twist of nature. To make those going through the challenges of parenting the ones most likely to crumple to a heap on the floor, all because a small person took their sock off, must be Mother Nature’s idea of a cruel joke. She really is a total cow.

So, there we were, this rainy Thursday morning on the cold kitchen floor. This particular episode culminating from numerous triggers. Firstly, it was late in the week, so we were both getting tired and irritable from the early mornings and long days. I’m also a little bit miserable at the moment because work and life is tough and I’ve been busting my arse trying to sort my life out and nothing ever seems to change. Go figure. Furthermore, we hated our trousers. Then there are the usual money worries and a never-ending to-do list. Plus, it was really difficult to choose a sticker reward for pooing on the potty. (Can you tell whose problems are whose?). It also doesn’t help that there’s a possible impending visit from the Absent Dad. He is soon going to waltz in for a couple of weeks and be all fun and exciting before fucking off again to his life of Riley in Australia. Arsehole. So, after all that, it’s no wonder really that we were both having a bit of a moment.

Thankfully, seeing me upset and the promise of a chocolate biscuit was enough to coax my boy out of his corner of the kitchen. I managed to negotiate him out of the house and into the car with only the occasional whimper of protest. Naturally, as soon as we arrived at nursery, the sunshine and lollipops reappeared and everything to do with the supposedly hideous trousers he was forced into was forgotten.

I, on the other hand, needed something a lot stronger than a chocolate biscuit to placate me. Unfortunately, 7.30am wasn’t the time for that, so off to work I trotted. With my blotchy, swollen face. Simply counting down the hours until I could get home and collapse on the kitchen floor again.

CoffeeAndBubbles

View profile for posts, events and more info