Chocolate or poop? OMG IT’S POOP!!!!
1
Yesterday we had a poop incident. It was not one of our worst, that would be a projectile poop all over me in a restaurant, but nonetheless, it was a poop incident.
When it comes to children there are certain times when you just can’t entirely trust them. The list includes (but not restricted to);
1- Chocolate- if chocolate is on the table then all rules, as far as kiddies are concerned, go out the window. This can also be applied to cake, sweets and fizzy drinks. I shall never forget Easter when first born was three. My stepdad exclaiming
SelfishMother.com
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’you didn’t leave the three year old in the room with all the chocolate did you?’ I swore she would be fine, ’She never eats chocolate without asking!’ Ha! Foolish, foolish woman!
2- Weeing- ’Do you need a wee?’ They always say no- yet you can guarantee five minutes down the road, ’I’m desperate’ or with a trolley full of groceries you see them standing with crossed legs, squirming.
3- Puke- ’I feel a bit sick’, ’can you wait two minutes while we find a place to stop?’ ’Yes’ no……
4- Schoolwork- ’Have you done your
SelfishMother.com
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homework?’ No…
5- Water consumption- ’Did you drink plenty at school today?’ ’Yes mum!’ No…
6- Finally ANYTHING to do with poop. Can you trust baby not to reach into her nappy and grab a handful as soon as you lay her on the change mat? No! Will she eat it? Probably! Did you wipe your bottom properly? No! And of course never NEVER trust an infant to go nappy-less.
Yesterday was a nappy-less incident. Bath time rapidly approaching when youngest decides to evactuate in, by far, the smelliest effort to date. Quickly cleaned I think, I will
SelfishMother.com
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leave her naked, warm day, ten minutes to bath time, has done her poo for the day, let her be free. What could possibly go wrong?
We take the girls into eldest daughters room for some playtime. When suddenly there is a slight straining noise, then another. ’You are not going to…..?’ Too late. A large ’delivery’ has appeared on daughter’s favourite rug.
’OH MY GOD I can’t believe you just pooed on my rug! How dare you! MUM there is POO on my rug.’
I smiled as my husband calmly picked it up with a wetwipe (seriously how did we used to
SelfishMother.com
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live without these?) and disposed of said matter in a calm and grown up manner. With five years of parenting under our belts we are becoming pros at this sort of thing. I chuckled to myself thinking back to the new parent days when he would gag or dry heave at the sight of a full nappy, yet now he can clean up all incidents with barely a face pull. What a man!
It is said having kids takes all romance out of a relationship. It is true by the time they have watched you push a nine pound baby out of a very small opening there is very little you can
SelfishMother.com
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hide. They have been there to witness the morning sickness, the mood swings, the aches, pains, scares, contractions, swearing, blood, probably poo and stitches. But they are still there. So- yes, perhaps the days of impulsive weekends away have dispersed. You are both too tired to stay up all night talking about your hopes and dreams, not to mention doing anything else!! Money is tight so no more high end restaurants for supper, but romance can be found in so many other ways. Getting up at 5am to see to the kids so you can go back to sleep, bringing home
SelfishMother.com
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a takeaway when he knows you will be too exhausted to cook, and yes even cleaning up poop. It may not be luxurious but each one of those tiny gestures fill my heart with joy.
Later, on our way to bed, we stop in older daughter’s bedroom to tuck her in, kiss her warm cheek, face all crumpled with sleep. We glance at each other, both thinking the same thing, ’we made that!’ When I see his face fall into a look of sheer horror. He pulls his foot up to his nose, through the darkness I see a dark lump stuck to the underside of his big toe. First a gag,
SelfishMother.com
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then a heave, ’Fucking hell, I missed a bit’ he runs from the room, smearing turd in his wake. And who said romance was dead?
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Sarah Jarman - 4 Jul 16
Yesterday we had a poop incident. It was not one of our worst, that would be a projectile poop all over me in a restaurant, but nonetheless, it was a poop incident.
When it comes to children there are certain times when you just can’t entirely trust them. The list includes (but not restricted to);
1- Chocolate- if chocolate is on the table then all rules, as far as kiddies are concerned, go out the window. This can also be applied to cake, sweets and fizzy drinks. I shall never forget Easter when first born was three. My stepdad exclaiming ‘you didn’t leave the three year old in the room with all the chocolate did you?’ I swore she would be fine, ‘She never eats chocolate without asking!’ Ha! Foolish, foolish woman!
2- Weeing- ‘Do you need a wee?’ They always say no- yet you can guarantee five minutes down the road, ‘I’m desperate’ or with a trolley full of groceries you see them standing with crossed legs, squirming.
3- Puke- ‘I feel a bit sick’, ‘can you wait two minutes while we find a place to stop?’ ‘Yes’ no……
4- Schoolwork- ‘Have you done your homework?’ No…
5- Water consumption- ‘Did you drink plenty at school today?’ ‘Yes mum!’ No…
6- Finally ANYTHING to do with poop. Can you trust baby not to reach into her nappy and grab a handful as soon as you lay her on the change mat? No! Will she eat it? Probably! Did you wipe your bottom properly? No! And of course never NEVER trust an infant to go nappy-less.
Yesterday was a nappy-less incident. Bath time rapidly approaching when youngest decides to evactuate in, by far, the smelliest effort to date. Quickly cleaned I think, I will leave her naked, warm day, ten minutes to bath time, has done her poo for the day, let her be free. What could possibly go wrong?
We take the girls into eldest daughters room for some playtime. When suddenly there is a slight straining noise, then another. ‘You are not going to…..?’ Too late. A large ‘delivery’ has appeared on daughter’s favourite rug.
‘OH MY GOD I can’t believe you just pooed on my rug! How dare you! MUM there is POO on my rug.’
I smiled as my husband calmly picked it up with a wetwipe (seriously how did we used to live without these?) and disposed of said matter in a calm and grown up manner. With five years of parenting under our belts we are becoming pros at this sort of thing. I chuckled to myself thinking back to the new parent days when he would gag or dry heave at the sight of a full nappy, yet now he can clean up all incidents with barely a face pull. What a man!
It is said having kids takes all romance out of a relationship. It is true by the time they have watched you push a nine pound baby out of a very small opening there is very little you can hide. They have been there to witness the morning sickness, the mood swings, the aches, pains, scares, contractions, swearing, blood, probably poo and stitches. But they are still there. So- yes, perhaps the days of impulsive weekends away have dispersed. You are both too tired to stay up all night talking about your hopes and dreams, not to mention doing anything else!! Money is tight so no more high end restaurants for supper, but romance can be found in so many other ways. Getting up at 5am to see to the kids so you can go back to sleep, bringing home a takeaway when he knows you will be too exhausted to cook, and yes even cleaning up poop. It may not be luxurious but each one of those tiny gestures fill my heart with joy.
Later, on our way to bed, we stop in older daughter’s bedroom to tuck her in, kiss her warm cheek, face all crumpled with sleep. We glance at each other, both thinking the same thing, ‘we made that!’ When I see his face fall into a look of sheer horror. He pulls his foot up to his nose, through the darkness I see a dark lump stuck to the underside of his big toe. First a gag, then a heave, ‘Fucking hell, I missed a bit’ he runs from the room, smearing turd in his wake. And who said romance was dead?
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Primarily a Mum, aspiring Author, Freelance Writer and Artist, Blogger, Foodie and Jewellery Designer just having fun doing all the things I love! My portfolio available to view over on my website www.saspsdesigns.com
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