Confessions of a not-so-stylish Momma

Sarah Kennedy - 29 Jan 16

It has been on my radar lately that there seems to be a lot of rather stylish Mommas out there. Mommas who have actual blogs and Facebook pages dedicated to their stylishness. I am honestly fascinated by these amazing women. They post pictures of themselves dressed up in their new gear and tell us where they bought everything and how they put their outfit together and where they are going in all their glorious finery. I usually think two things after seeing one of these posts……one is I wish I was a bit more (a lot more) dedicated when it comes to my daily appearance and two is that I have a really crap social life.

So here goes…..as a not-so-stylish Momma I feel it important to lay my cards on the table and give an honest account of what it really looks like to be relegated to such an unfashionable position. A position I had no desire to occupy but one that I seem to have taken to rather well.

1) Prior to having children. Clothes were my currency. They are what made me tick. I loved clothes. Loved wearing them, loved picking out new outfits and mostly loved buying them. Oh how things have changed. Clothes are no longer my currency. My now rather old ‘nice’ clothes have become my grown up children still living with me but reluctantly so and always keeping themselves to themselves. They rarely get to see the light of day and have taken on a sort of antiquey quality in my very much outdated wardrobe. I can’t throw them out though. All those lovely dresses and outfits. Never ever to be worn again but they are just all soooo pretty!!!

2) If it wasn’t for UGGs and leggings I think I would have to go out in pyjamas. Like I really cannot imagine my life without my 300 pairs of leggings and my more than is really acceptable for someone who isn’t a student pairs of UGGs. I am convinced all the other mams I see on the school run and in the playground do be looking at me thinking…..’God can she not mix it up a bit??’. No I can’t. I tried to once and ended up wearing ballet pumps and a pair of what I thought where smart/casual trousers. My very stylish sister told me that ‘No one wears ballet pumps anymore’. ‘Oh right I see’. How come no one told me that?? And what I thought were smart/casual trousers ended up being the sort that itch the legs off you and turn your legs black and catch every piece of white fluff they can find in a 100 mile radius. Sod this for a game of soldiers. I am sticking with the comfy/casual look. No more smartness from me that’s for sure.

3) I wear gym gear even when I am not going to the gym. Ok I never go to the gym. I am not even a member of a gym but I still like wearing gym gear. They make me feel better about myself. Like as if I am a person who likes to keep fit and has the time to do so. So if you see me looking rather sporty there is no need to wonder where I find the time to go to the gym because I don’t. I am what is called a fake gym bunny. I don’t think the real gym bunnys like me. They think I am trying to jump on their looking good and feeling good bandwagon but I promise I am not. I just like the way you never ever need to iron gym gear. Whats not to love about that?

4) I only wear jeans now for special occasions. Usually at the weekends and only for a couple of hours at a time. My body now rejects anything restrictive or anything that doesn’t stay put when I bend down. One of the many many things you learn about being a parent is that you bend down A LOT. Picking up toys, helping your child up off the floor, bending down to play with them, bending down to comfort them, bending down to perhaps hide for a couple of moments to gather yourself again. Jeans and bending down do not go well together. My bum is not a small one and is not something I like the whole world to see every 10 minutes. Jeans are now reserved for my birthday say or maybe like if I am going out on my own without the little lunatics. In other words….a rarity.

4) I sometimes (mostly) don’t wash my hair as often as I should. Dry Shampoo is my saviour. Not sure who invented it but whoever did needs to friend request me on Facebook so I can let them know I am their biggest fan. Incase you are feeling a little ill right now imagining my lack of personal hygiene I promise I do wash my hair sometimes it’s just I would rather have a cup of coffee and a piece of toast in the morning then spend those 10 minutes washing my hair every other day.

5) I don’t know how to actually go clothes shopping anymore. If I do find myself in a clothes shop on my own in some rare moment of aloneness. I really don’t know where to look. I get all anxious and feel like I am on a timer….which of course I am. ‘You have 3 minutes to find what you are looking for or you are dead’. I run around picking up random things and realise that I need almost everything in the shop. I then start to look under clothes rails for my kids that aren’t actually with me. By the time I get to the changing room with about 20 different items of randomness I realise I have in fact run out of time and have to dump everything somewhere and run out of the shop before I actually have a panic attack.

6) Although my wardrobe is by no means up to date. Like when I say ‘by no means’ I really mean ‘BY NO MEANS’ I do still possess some fashion sense I think. So although the clothes I wear are sometimes well-worn (threadbare) I still try to look slightly cool. So if I get dressed in the morning into whatever doesn’t need ironing and I realise what I am wearing is on a second glance actually quite hickey and perhaps even slightly disgusting I always rip it from my body as quickly as I can and throw it straight in the bin. This happens to me probably once a week if I am honest. Lots of clothes end up in my little bedroom bin. Overflowing with horrible hickeyness by the end of the week. I actually enjoy emptying it. Purging the ugliness I call it.

7) When I go out….which is obviously not that often given the fact my kids won’t stay with their Nanny on their own never mind a babysitter….I like to make an effort. This ‘effort’ usually involves me putting on way to much make up and getting way to dressed up for a ‘quick bite to eat in town’. My husband always looks at me very warily…..like as if suddenly he thinks who is this crazy lady and why does she look like a bit of a well…hooker? I pretend I can’t see him looking at me this way and instead sashay out of the house feeling like Victoria Beckham but obviously not looking like her. I won’t lie I do tend to feel slightly awkward when we are actually out for the bite to eat in the little cosy restaurant and I look like I should be in a nightclub. Still though….it does be worth it for the few moments I do feel quite nice before I realise I am a complete sap.

8) I never go out without make up apart from when I do. The school run in the morning, swimming on a saturday, Sunday morning walk. But these occasions aside I really never go out without my face on. I may be filthy, my clothes may be old and a bit grubby and slightly too young for my aged status but even on my worst days I always make sure I have me bronzer on. It is the only rule I have made for myself and it truly does make me feel so much better when I can’t find a clean pair of leggings or my cardigan has a massive hole under the arm but I refuse to take it off. I may not know where to even start when it comes to keeping ‘my look’ up to date but at least I still know my lippys from my lipgloss.

9) I have realised while writing this that I don’t think anyone says the word stylish anymore apart from my Mother maybe. God what has happened me?? There is literally no hope.

So there you are my secrets are out…..I am a scruffy old hag in disguise as a real person. Needless to say I won’t be setting up my own fashion blog or youtube channel or if I do I will have to call it something like ‘Get Back in the Bin’ to keep people’s expectations as low as they can go. And I certainly won’t be posting any pics of myself ‘rocking’ any look besides the ‘I am completely knackered’ look.

Thank god for the fact that love is blind so when it comes to my kids no matter how bad I really look on a day-to-day basis they are always going to love me in their fiercely unconditional way so for that I am very grateful!

Sarah Kennedy

Just another momma trying to survive parenthood by writing about how crazy and funny it is to be a full-time mother to two adorable but slightly nutty kids.

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