Date night: for parents who’ve forgotten how

Clio FitzHerbert - 8 Dec 16

My husband and I had our first two-night getaway back in August for a wedding.

It required two sets of fully-briefed grandparents tag teaming, a 12 hour journey to France (we needed to fit with childcare, which meant going via Amsterdam?!) and a stay in an old people’s home (literally a nursing home, some of the rooms had oxygen masks and the receptionist wore a white coat).

But it was worth it.

Because for the first time in a LONG time, I pulled an all-nighter – and not because of a baby.

I got my mojo back – the mojo I hadn’t seen for about five years.

I felt like a person – in fact a sexy lady, rather than a mother.

And, instead of a tense journey, trying to haul children and car seats through airports, I leisurely sauntered, read a book, did some casual duty free shopping and laughed – actually laughed – at my husband’s jokes again.

Heading home, I felt this terrible sense of loss.

It dawned on me that for the past five years, I’ve been totally consumed by motherhood and my boys. Wrapped tight in the baby bubble, I’d lost myself. And I wept a little bit.

Probably because I was horribly hungover but also because I felt stupid for not making this happen sooner. For not booking more time for me  – and my husband.

Oh and I also shed a little  tear of guilt that I didn’t miss my dear children…not one bit!

And in that moment I realised I had to stop being a martyr and soldiering on. I needed to put myself (and my husband) first a bit more. To book more DATE NIGHTS.

And since then, we’ve sort of made it happen. Before France, my husband and I had probably had about four nights off together in four years. But now, we’re starting to aim for one a month (unlikely but here’s hoping). We’re actually getting quite good at it now.

Here are some tips for parents who’ve forgotten how to date – all taken from experience:

Date night no nos

Don’t peak too soon
A school boy error. This happened to us on our first date night since becoming a family of four. We were on our knees – the only way to describe the exhaustion when your second baby still feeds at night and unexpectedly becomes mobile (he was an early crawler goddammit). We booked a night away to primarily catch up on some precious zzzzs but faced with champagne in a hot tub on a Cornish cliff, well, we didn’t stand a chance.

Don’t have an afternoon nap that you don’t wake up from
Date night gone. Poof. Just like that. And you now have jet lag.

Don’t forget your breast pump if you’re still feeding
Let’s just say spending most of the time milking myself in the bath was not how I’d planned to spend my time at the super sexy Adult-only Scarlet Hotel in Cornwall. Nice.

Don’t gorge yourself on too much curry
For obvious reasons. Who said romance was dead?

Date night dos

Order weekend papers
Probably one of the things that I miss most since having kids. I wasn’t even that big a newspaper reader pre-kids, but now I don’t have the option of spending whole Sundays leafing through a chunky weekend paper, I want it. More than ever.

Plan ahead
Make a mental list of things you miss and do them: shopping, spa-ing, sleeping, lounging, dancing. Do it. Do it all. You will appreciate these simple pleasures more than ever before. One of our first nights away, I was so overwhelmed by the sudden freedom I couldn’t make up my mind what to do. Do I go for a swim? A walk? Read? Shower? I ended up sitting, paralysed with indecision, for a good few hours. Although doing nothing was probably exactly what I needed.

Prepare yourself for the grandparents telling you your children were angels and slept all night long. Because they will.

Clio FitzHerbert

I'm Clio. Bringing up two toddler boys in Devon. If I'm not tapping away on a laptop (I run a local parenting website & do bits of freelance writing), you'll probably find me buried under a pile of small, roaring boys.

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