Dear Agony Aunt – Should I encourage the divorce?

Sarah Jarman - 20 Nov 17

Dear Agony Aunt,

Before you judge me please hear me out. I am seriously considering encouraging my daughter to divorce her husband. She has not mentioned her unhappiness, but as the months have passed I have watched first hand the demise of their relationship.

S met her husband, Tony, roughly when the first Paddington movie came out and she decided she wanted to be the Brown’s daughter Judy. As Judy was, at the time, dating Tony it seemed the natural name choice for her husband to be. They were married in an elaborate Hollywood style wedding, S informed me that there were about twenty thousand, two million and twelve people there, my husband was naturally sent the bill of one hundred and eight pounds.

In the two years since their wedding they have had two hundred and twelve children together, the last set of twins arriving just last week, a whole week since the triplets, as you can imagine with five newborns in a fortnight my daughter has quite a lot on her plate, but it seems Tony is unwilling to help. I realise it is noble to provide for your family, and a pilot is a stable profession, but it seems he enjoys spending his weekends and time off in New York, rarely making it home and poor S has taken on six jobs to cover the financial shortfall. Call me selfish, but when I had S six years ago I thought I had some time before I would be looking after my grandchildren. Of course I am always happy to help, but with school runs and my own job, I’m not sure I can handle being lumbered with an extra two hundred and twelve children on an evening.

Of course, hectic family life and a long distance relationship will naturally put a strain on any couple but the arguments have become fairly monumental. Tony returned from the States this evening to join us for dinner. I was pleased to see he had managed the journey to be with twenty seven of his children all celebrating their birthday today. Dinner, however, was far from relaxing. Tony insisted on making flatulent like noises at the table, he wiped a bogey on my youngest O’s forehead and he told me my homemade curry tasted like a big pile of cow’s poo poo. I wouldn’t mind so much, but I was only told that I had to host the birthday party when I collected S from school, curry was all I could rustle up at short notice. His behaviour, of course, outraged S and she spent much of dinner raising her voice unnecessarily.

My biggest issue is his invisibility. Am I being discriminatory in thinking this way? I suppose it is something of a disability as he was born that way and there is nothing he can do about it, but I do find it quite uncomfortable. I had been in the shower a whole six minutes on Friday when S informed me that Tony was in the bathroom and was staring at my boobies, had he been in there the whole time? Should I file it as sexual harassment? I think he likes to get in my way purposely, it’s almost as though he chooses his seating so I find myself sitting on top of him. He knows which seat I sit in at dinner, yet there he is, always.

I am aware Tony has been through a difficult time recently, his appendicitis, tonsillitis and broken wrist can’t have been easy but I’m not sure comfort eating will really help the matter. I had bought the shortbread to put away for Christmas yet the seal was obviously broken with several cookies missing. S was incredibly upset when she told me she caught Tony stealing them, he was apparently the culprit responsible for the missing halloween candy too. Whilst I can’t see him I suspect all the comfort eating is not doing him any favours so I have tried to encourage him to join us on family dog walks. He is now not talking to me (because he thinks I am suggesting he is fat) and so tells S to inform me he wont be joining us on our outings and she is to stay at home with him. This behaviour is very controlling, I’m sure S would love to join us on a walk instead of watching Barbie, which appears to be his program of choice. I have told him it is very materialistic but S ensures me he is only watching it for fashion tips.

Dear Agony Aunt, as the relationship is clearly in a downward spiral should I simply wait for it to deteriorate naturally? Do you think highlighting the issues to my daughter may only put strain on our own relationship? My husband tells me to leave it, he thinks Tony just needs to grow up a little, that one day he will stop leaving the toilet seat up and will learn to put the empty loo rolls in the bin, I’m not certain, if he can’t handle simple tasks like this how can he possible raise such an enormous family successfully? S tells me she is pregnant with another twenty children, help!

Concerned parent of daughter with imaginary slob of a husband.

Sarah Jarman

Primarily a Mum, aspiring Author, Freelance Writer and Artist, Blogger, Foodie and Jewellery Designer just having fun doing all the things I love! My portfolio available to view over on my website www.saspsdesigns.com

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