Dear other mum in café: I get it. Or do I?

Amy Malloy - 15 Aug 16

Hello there.

Hi. I’m just on the other side of the café. I can see you. You’ve just walked in with your baby, manoeuvred your buggy through the queue and one-handedly got yourself, baby and cuppa to the sofa. Nice work.

What I also mean is, I can “see” you. I get it. As you start feeding your baby, I notice you glancing around the café. Most probably wondering what people are thinking, hoping they are not judging you for feeding in public. Don’t worry, my love, if anyone is judging you, it says more about them and you mustn’t worry. I remember when mine was really little, I was always aware of what people might be thinking about how I was feeding my baby.

You look tired – you must be tired. Your baby probably isn’t sleeping, is he? You’ve been up half the night – you must have been. It’s hard, isn’t it? Being a new mum. I  felt perpetually shattered and there were times when it was really really hard to deal with the day-to-day when I was so sleepy.

So don’t worry. I get it. I get you.

Or do I, actually?

How can I? I mean, I don’t know you from Adam. You seem very nice, but we’ve never spoken so I have no idea how you are finding motherhood. You may feel totally cool about feeding your baby, and just be checking out the room, or day-dreaming. We’ve never spoken and you’re not me.

You might be tired. You might have a brilliant sleeper and get a full night. In which case, good for you! How do I know? We’ve never spoken and you’re not me.

You may be finding motherhood hard, you may be finding it just ok, you may be totally loving it. I hope it’s the latter, but how could I know? We’ve never spoken and you’re not me.

Just because you’re a mum, do you have to be having an awful time? Couldn’t it also be quite nice? Who knows? You do.

Your story is your story, and mine is mine. As a fellow mum, I am rooting for you. I hope you are ok. But until we meet in person and I hear your story first hand (if you need to and have no-one else, I’m quite nice, so I’ve been told, and do love a good yarn), I’m not going to pretend to know how you will feel. Only you can know that and only you can decide to share.

So I hope you are ok, I really do. From here it looks like you’re doing brilliantly, but then that’s the key phrase, isn’t it, “from here”. Only you can see it from there.

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Amy Malloy

Amy Malloy is a writer and mum on a mission for healthier, kinder minds for mums. Follow her blog at www.nomoreshoulds.com or like on Facebook at www.facebook.com/nomoreshoulds. Together, let's lose "should" for good!

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