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Dearest Husband, from your flatmate wife.

1
 

 

Do you remember your relationship before children? Do you? I have to say that I vaguely remember what it was like – I get little flash backs when I hear non parent friends talk about their lives and, well, sometimes I do miss it.

I remember silly things like aimless Sunday afternoons walking around shopping centres just for fun to see if we fancy anything, but mainly because there was nothing else to do. I remember nights out where we weren’t constantly looking at the clock to make sure that we weren’t too late because, well, 5am

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wake ups kind of suck if you haven’t had any sleep. And I remember sex. I remember sex where I didn’t have to keep looking over my shoulder to make sure that the baby was still asleep and not watching us – oh my goodness please don’t be watching us! I remember having a relationship with my husband, without have to schedule it.

Now, it’s a different story.

The only time my husband really gets to see my boobs nowadays is if there is a baby clamped to my nipple. True story. Sex has become something that has to be either very late at night (you

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know, when I have something more important to do like sleep) or has to be over and done with in minutes because the children are awake and I have to make sure that they survive another day without too much damage. When we talk to each other, it’s often over little voices shouting ’Mummy, Toby hurt me’ or ’Dada, fly!’ and once the kids are in bed, talking becomes about them, briefly about our day’s events and then it’s up the wooden hill to bed ourselves. Weekends are for family time, it’s about children’s activities and even on a family day out,
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we end up with the same pattern: Daddy with Reuben and me with the babies.

Don’t get me wrong, we haven’t totally lost it with each other. If anyone remembers the Oxo advert you will get it when I say we have our ’Do you remember…’ moments, but sometimes it’s hard to remember what we had before we had the kids. Sometimes it is impossible to find time for each other or feel like I’m not letting my husband down because I don’t have the time or the energy to be interested in him the way I used to be. I just don’t. It doesn’t mean I love him

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any less, it doesn’t mean I want him any less. Or at least I don’t think it does, I think it’s just… Different. Everything about life is different once children come along.

The truth is, no matter how much you are told life changes when you have kids you can’t comprehend how much. So once you become ’Mummy’ and ’Daddy’ how do you retain your original identities? How do you still be ’Husband’ and ’Wife’?

I’ll let you know if I ever find out.

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By

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By Harriet Shearsmith via Selfish Mother

- 19 May 15

 

 

Do you remember your relationship before children? Do you? I have to say that I vaguely remember what it was like – I get little flash backs when I hear non parent friends talk about their lives and, well, sometimes I do miss it.

I remember silly things like aimless Sunday afternoons walking around shopping centres just for fun to see if we fancy anything, but mainly because there was nothing else to do. I remember nights out where we weren’t constantly looking at the clock to make sure that we weren’t too late because, well, 5am wake ups kind of suck if you haven’t had any sleep. And I remember sex. I remember sex where I didn’t have to keep looking over my shoulder to make sure that the baby was still asleep and not watching us – oh my goodness please don’t be watching us! I remember having a relationship with my husband, without have to schedule it.

Now, it’s a different story.

The only time my husband really gets to see my boobs nowadays is if there is a baby clamped to my nipple. True story. Sex has become something that has to be either very late at night (you know, when I have something more important to do like sleep) or has to be over and done with in minutes because the children are awake and I have to make sure that they survive another day without too much damage. When we talk to each other, it’s often over little voices shouting ‘Mummy, Toby hurt me’ or ‘Dada, fly!’ and once the kids are in bed, talking becomes about them, briefly about our day’s events and then it’s up the wooden hill to bed ourselves. Weekends are for family time, it’s about children’s activities and even on a family day out, we end up with the same pattern: Daddy with Reuben and me with the babies.

Don’t get me wrong, we haven’t totally lost it with each other. If anyone remembers the Oxo advert you will get it when I say we have our ‘Do you remember…’ moments, but sometimes it’s hard to remember what we had before we had the kids. Sometimes it is impossible to find time for each other or feel like I’m not letting my husband down because I don’t have the time or the energy to be interested in him the way I used to be. I just don’t. It doesn’t mean I love him any less, it doesn’t mean I want him any less. Or at least I don’t think it does, I think it’s just… Different. Everything about life is different once children come along.

The truth is, no matter how much you are told life changes when you have kids you can’t comprehend how much. So once you become ‘Mummy’ and ‘Daddy’ how do you retain your original identities? How do you still be ‘Husband’ and ‘Wife’?

I’ll let you know if I ever find out.

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My name is Harriet, I am a mama to three wonderful kiddos, living in the North of England - though I'd really rather be in the South where things actually happen. I am a serious purveyor of all things boutique or stylish for children and I have a fundamental need to share this obsession with people on my blog Toby&Roo. I'm addicted to costa caramel lattes and chilli - though not at the same time, obvs. Oh, and I sometimes use the term obvs... sorry about that.

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