Desperate Mummy

Helen Ruff - 12 May 16

Last year was a bit of a crazy one. In April I found out I was pregnant after an Easter weekend of pure indulgence in Cornwall. I’ll always remember it as it wasn’t my usual style of indulgence either. I’m more of a drink-too-much-gin-and-pig-out-on-chicken-wings kind of a girl but last year my sister and I were treated (by our step-mother) to a weekend at Olga Polizzi’s boutique hotel in St Mawes. We tucked into oysters in the sunshine, swilled them down with vast quantities of Sancerre. Not a care in the world. I’m ashamed to admit I even had Foie Gras… Well one of those damn oysters was dodgy and on Easter Monday I was sick as a dog. On the Tuesday I found out I was pregnant.

Fred and I had only been together for four months so it was quite interesting telling friends and family, especially my grandmother who told me straight: “I’m disappointed in you”. Well deal with it granny, I’m 35 and my biological clock is ticking. Next up to address was my living arrangements. I’d bought and done up a studio flat the year before and that’s where I lived. It was full of awesome stuff; retro furniture, vintage film posters… a drinks cabinet. I loved it there, I’d only just settled in. “I’m staying here” I told everyone, “I know it’s small but I’ll make it work”. “It’ll be a minimalist baby”.

I came to my senses towards the end of the summer and Fred and I rented a house in Southsea. It had beautiful wooden floors and an open fire but the bathroom was nothing like the amazing Victorian suite I’d painstakingly put together in the Chichester flat. Anyway, to cut a long story short we moved in November, Rupert was born in December and I was left thinking “what’s happened to my life?”

I knew no-one in Southsea except my sister so that was goal number 1: meet my mummy tribe. I’d smile enthusiastically (manically) at others with prams thinking “wanna go for coffee?” I was a regular at baby groups when Rupert was tiny and I wasn’t anywhere near recovered from my c section. And then I had a bit of a meltdown. In my life I’ve always made friends quite organically but here I was not knowing how to be cool. It’s hard to make friends when you need to make friends.

Cut to 5 months later and I still don’t have the mummy tribe I imagined but I have made friends and I’ve relaxed and realised that everything will fall into place. This mummy journey is not temporary. It’s true you do meet A LOT of people when you have a child but just because they have babies doesn’t mean they’re your kind of person. I would have literally gone for coffee with anyone with a baby in the early days, I approached new motherhood in the same way I approached dating; I was NOT fussy. But I guess, in a way it’s the same as dating; if you put yourself out there and meet enough people you’re going to fall into step with people who are singing from the same hymn sheet.

By Helen Ruff

If you’d like to be my friend you can contact me helen@doilydays.co.uk

Helen Ruff

I'm Helen Ruff. I love living in sunny Southsea, UK and I'm proud mother to Rupert who is 5 months. I'm currently trying to figure out how to juggle mummyhood with running my own wedding business Doily Days. I have a magazine and a pop-up bar. I thought about giving it all up but have realised there's no way I want to. I've taken much inspiration from Molly Gunn and Selfish Mother.

View profile for posts, events and more info