Did I make a mistake having more than one child?

Harriet Shearsmith - 8 Sep 15

‘Mummy, I wan you build me train track pwlease?’

Just that simple, adorable sentence was enough to make my heart feel really full of guilt. ‘Oh Toby sweetheart, I can’t. Mummy has Edith and she just won’t let me put her down right now. How about we build the track when she goes to bed in a bit, yes?’ I hate doing that, saying no to those simple requests. I should be able to build a track with my two year old, it’s just not a big request. The problem is it’s a damn near impossible task with a baby who won’t stop screaming when she is put down (teething and an attitude problem that she’s inherited from… Well, who knows?!) and would likely follow me while she wailed, destroying any efforts I’d made anyway. Trust me, I’ve tried before – we end up with an hysterical baby, tantrum throwing toddler and a four year old who sighs and stomps off to his room. Not to mention me with more grey hairs and wrinkles, and I can’t afford the constant dye jobs!

Having more than one child is so hard. Am I doing the right thing? Will they resent each other when they grow up because I was always saying ‘Mummy can’t because of your sister/brother?’ With statistics in the UK showing that the average family size is growing, I can’t be the only one who feels this way?

Sometimes I lie awake at night and I remember what it was like when we just had Reuben. I remember how I used to put SO much effort into teaching him things. The boy could say ‘articulated lorry’ by the time he was 18 months old, he could do all sorts and I spent hours upon hours with him trying to teach him things. I’m pretty sure if he had been an only child I would have either homeschooled him or looked into schooling him in addition to standard school. Then came Toby and I can’t help but feel like I let things slip a bit, I just know that I did. I couldn’t be everywhere at once, couldn’t do everything. So I stopped pushing as hard with Reuben, I would still do the usual bits but I didn’t have as much time to work on things – not that he cared, it’s not of consequence to him that he can recognise and draw every letter of the alphabet and spell over ten words at 3, he just liked me reading to him and cuddling up together.

As mamas we make ourselves feel so guilty over everything and even more so with multiple kids, we really do. I sometimes feel that I’m not enough for them all, that I’ve made a mistake in having more than one. There, I said it. I sometimes feel like I made a mistake having more than one child. How terrible is that? As an only child I longed for a sibling, yet my husband (who is one of two) hated having a sibling and they still don’t get on at all. I wanted my children to be part of a big family, and I don’t for a second regret it. I do wish desperately that I could look into the future and know whether they will remember the times Mummy couldn’t do something because of the baby, or they had to share. Or will they remember the times that they played together, snuggled together at night and had a blast going on trips out as a group?

I guess only time will tell and I’ll have to pull up my big girl pants and just deal with the guilt in my own way. Now, if you’ll excuse me, my baby is sleeping – I’m going to build a train track 🙂

H x

Harriet Shearsmith

My name is Harriet, I am a mama to three wonderful kiddos, living in the North of England - though I'd really rather be in the South where things actually happen. I am a serious purveyor of all things boutique or stylish for children and I have a fundamental need to share this obsession with people on my blog Toby&Roo. I'm addicted to costa caramel lattes and chilli - though not at the same time, obvs. Oh, and I sometimes use the term obvs... sorry about that.

View profile for posts, events and more info