Divorce Survival Strategies for Women

Tanya Mayer - 17 Dec 18

Even though a marriage is a union, it is not an equal union in the eyes of society. Even today, in the 21st century, women facing divorce are looked down on since they seem to have failed to play their old, traditional role of keeping the family together. Like it or, not but this is still the way of the world, hence women tend to feel their marital defeat strongly and have a hard time during the whole divorce process. Not to mention those 12 months of waiting to officially file for it. Without further ado, here are some pieces of advice and techniques on how to keep your chin up during this stressful period.

It’s OK to mourn

Never mind if you are the one who has decided to file for divorce or your spouse, the mourning period is inevitable, and the sooner you realize it, the better. A divorce is always a hard blow and a big personal defeat. Essentially, it has to come with a disappointment that nothing has turned out the way we expected. If you’re wondering why it is so, why you are feeling so down when this is what you desired, try to imagine the following.

Let’s say you own a business, and you had everything planned for the next 20 years. The business was going well, and you had lots of plans for the holiday or business expansion. Your other plans were largely dependent on it (housing, lifestyle, children). How would you feel if someone suddenly destroyed your dream career? Therefore, it’s only natural to feel sad and depressed at times. You’re not overly emotional or anything. This is simply your long-term goal going down the drain, so it’s only natural to feel utterly disappointed.

Money matters

Perhaps you were the breadwinner, or maybe it was your husband. Either way, big changes are coming to your household, which is now considerably smaller. If you have children, it is even more challenging. Get hold of yourself and see how much money you can count on every month. What are your revenues, and how much will you have to spend? Is it necessary to look for new accommodation? How much will you be able to afford for the lawyer’s fees, and the court expenses?

All the above require some thinking, so sit down, analyse the situation, and make a sound plan. Maybe you will need to get a job, or find a new one, or face paying alimony. Either way, put it down on paper.

File first

If the divorce is inevitable, you needn’t wait for the whole 12 months to pass before finding a lawyer. Use the period to do some research and see who suits you best, and take action. When you know what awaits you, filing for divorce first is both empowering and calming. You have the feeling the control is in your hands, and it will make you feel happy. Just make sure to have an experienced divorce lawyer on your side, and the process should go smoothly.

Find support

In these tough times, it will mean a lot to you to have both emotional and professional support. You don’t have to share every single detail about your break up, but it is advisable to spend time with friends and family who have a positive impact on you. As well as that, you may need some pieces of advice from a counselor, and you definitely have to consult a lawyer. Experienced divorce lawyers are real professionals, and they can lead you through the whole process and give invaluable advice since they have seen it all before and know your rights and what you can expect.

Be friendly to your spouse

Or at least polite. Whatever has happened between you, in no way should you use any harsh language (in verbal or written form). Such evidence is easier to trace than you expect, and you risk losing your case if it proves you aren’t as nice and reliable as it appears. What is more, if you have children, they should never witness any outbursts, regardless of what is going on. During this period, try to be patient as much as possible, and cooperate.

Be happy

Finally, don’t forget to please yourself. Take up a new hobby, or do what you used to do before the marriage.  Take regular exercise, start a healthier diet, go for walks in the nature. Spend quality time with the kids. Find a support group. Only if you are happy will your children be more relaxed, and you have the responsibility towards yourself and them to be a healthy, happy woman.

You probably don’t like some of the advice, but acceptance is always the hardest part (just look at our first tip). The life goes on, and you have new goals now. Start working on achieving them, and remember to treat yourself with care during this period.

Tanya Mayer

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