Do more of what makes you happy

Ellie Jameson - 2 Nov 17

Last weekend I did something for me.  This is rare.

I have three small girls (aged 5, 3 and 1), a busy husband, an untidy house, and never enough hours in the day, but on Saturday I took time out to hang out with a friend I hadn’t seen in ages, and run a very muddy obstacle race through some woods.

Since I’ve become a mum, sport has become my ‘thing’.  On the rare occasions when I take time off from family life it is to undertake a sporting challenge, normally something like the aforementioned mud run, or an open water swim, sometimes for charity, sometimes just because.

And every time the day of the event rolls around I feel guilty.  Guilty that I should be spending time with the family, guilty that I’m dominating everyone else’s precious weekend day, guilty that I’ll miss out on time with the children, guilty that I’m relying on someone else (even if that someone is my husband, even if I know he likes to have the girls on his own once in a while, even if he would never, in a million years, do anything to make me feel guilty) to take care of the children.  I try to make excuses as to why I won’t be able to do it, and I start thinking,’what’s the point?’

But I always end up doing it anyway, and it always ends up leaving me feeling amazing.

But recently, I’ve come to see that as well as being good for me, it’s actually good for our girls too.

Take this weekend.  As I was running (*more like limping by this point) through a damp Cornish field, carrying a tyre, I spot my husband and the girls, waiting by a muddy, watery tunnel for us. As soon as they catch site of us, the girls beam with delight and start jumping up and down and clapping.  After crawling through the tunnel, I stop to chat to them. ‘You need a bath,’ says the three year old.  ‘Do you want a cuddle?’ I ask, expecting her to run away. ‘Yes!’ She says. I laugh, and try to give her a muddy kiss, before continuing with the run.

As we reach the finish, they are there again, laughing with excitement as we slide to the finish (it was a waterslide – who doesn’t love a waterslide?) and cheering as we get our medals.  They want their photo taken with us, and I can tell they’ve been inspired, not just by me, but all the other ‘grown-ups’ covered in mud, playing like children and grinning with a combination of pride and dopamine-overdose*.  When we get home, they want to make their own obstacle course in the garden.  Later that evening, when I look at the footage my husband took on our camera, I find pictures of the five year old jumping over some of the smaller obstacles.  She’s already asked us when will she be old enough to run Kernow Killer.

And it’s not just today either.  Earlier in the summer, when I swam the mile long channel between the Castles of Falmouth and St Mawes, she was mega excited.  She still talks about the swim, every time she sees one of the castles.  All through the summer she swam in the sea too, facing her fear of the waves and the cold, and no doubt getting the same buzz that I do, when I complete a swim I wasn’t sure I could finish.

There’s a culture, particularly for women I’d say, to stop having fun and to stop playing once we have children.  A culture that says we should be the ones carrying the massive bag of day to day equipment (changes of clothes, wet wipes, drinks, snacks etc) trying to stop anything from going wrong, and we should be the one who pick up the pieces when it does.  A culture that says we have to be sensible and set an example, and put our own interests on ice.  But actually, if you’re going to be a good role model for your kids, you need to show them how to be happy and how to have fun, too.

And more importantly, that happiness for women isn’t just eating, drinking and spending money – don’t get me wrong, I love doing all of those things (especially the eating.  It’s what got me into sport in the first place.  Do you know how many calories you burn during a mud run?) but they only ever give you an immediate, fleeting sense of satisfaction, rather than the long term contentment and sense of achievement you get from doing something you absolutely love.

I’ve noticed my oldest daughter really tries to emulate me when she sees me caught up in something I genuinely enjoy.  She watches me drawing sometimes (I do a bit of freelance design and illustration) and later on I’ll see her trying out the same technique.  She watches me swimming underwater, and dives down so she can follow.  She goes climbing with me and my husband, and by the end of the session is 5 meters high up a climbing wall.  She watches me fall off a rope into a freezing ditch, and knows from my face how fun it would be to give it a go too.

And it doesn’t have to be sport. It could be music, singing, amateur dramatics, dance, public speaking, gardening, knitting… whatever floats your boat. But there’s something about that moment where you let go and  lose yourself in something awesome, that your children will really love.  And one of those things, might turn into something that they really love too.

It’s a massive cliche,  probably only because it is true, but when we are happy, our children are happy, and when they’re happy, we’re happy too.  So doing more of what makes you happy isn’t selfish.  It’s what sets you up for the week of work, school runs, packed lunches and dishwasher emptying.  It’s what reminds you of who you were before, and who you still are.  It’s the glue that keeps your relationship healthy and gives you stuff to talk about.  It’s the thing that will give your children the bravery to try new things, and the self-assurance not to mind messing it up or looking like an idiot.  It’s the taking part. The being part of something outside of your family bubble.

So do more of what makes you happy, and try to let them be a part of that too.  It’s not selfish.  It’s sharing – in the best possible way.

Ellie Jameson

Hi, I'm Ellie, Wife, Mum to three little girls, part-time teacher, part-time illustrator and part-time stay at home mum (if such a thing exists!). Life is busy but good. I'm based in Cornwall, UK, which is beautiful, especially when the sun is out. We love escaping from work and having adventures in the great outdoors.

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