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Doesn’t he roll over?

1
From the second a baby is born, people compare it. To their own, to your others, to their friend’s/brothers/cousins babies. We all do it subconsciously but the majority of us know to keep quiet, all babies are different, as are their parents and the choices we make.

When my first son, Henry, was born, I took him to see some of my friends. He was 5 days old, and the first thing one of them said was ‘oh, he looks much bigger than what Hallie did’. I didn’t think much of it, he was a pound bigger than she was so he probably would look bigger.

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Another friend asked why I was combination feeding, and one asked what school I would be sending him to. He was being fed that’s the main thing, and I hadn’t thought of schools! It was none of their business at all but suddenly I felt that my closest friends and I were in some sort of competition. Was this what being a mum was about? Whose baby was going to be the best? The first?

As the weeks and months went on, I found myself getting increasingly annoyed at people comments. ‘He’s enormous, whatever size clothes is he in?’ or ‘are you

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feeding him double cream?’. I’m quite an anxious person as it is (I’m known to my friends as Dr Google) so obviously, I convinced myself I was doing something wrong.

My son sat up, rolled, crawled and walked all at an average age. His one year check showed him to be on the 50th percentile for both height and weight, and he passed all the little test things they do. I was relieved that they didn’t think he was ‘behind’ or anything but I felt awful for feeling that way. If he hadn’t have walked until 18 months or responded to his name

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until after all his little friends had, it wouldn’t have meant anything was wrong! I then realised that it was all the judging and comparisons that had made me think the way I did. It was plain wrong.

When I fell pregnant with my second, Bertie, I promised myself I wasn’t going to listen to the judgey comparey people. But I did. I found myself comparing him to my first (which is ok because they are mine). What angered me the most was close friends and family constantly making comments.

This is an actual conversation I had with a family

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member.

‘Is he rolling over yet?’
‘not all the way over – I’m not worried though because he sits up’
‘oh but didn’t Henry roll by now’
‘yes but as I said I’m not worried’
‘he’s sitting quite well I suppose, when did Henry crawl?’
‘7 months’
‘But Bertie is 7 months – he doesn’t look as if he will crawl soon’
‘No he doesn’t. To be honest I have 2 kids under 2 I would quite like him to stay still as long as possible’
‘Haha but you say he’s definitely not rolling over?’

Needless to say I

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fought the urge to punch them and poured an extremely large glass of wine after they had left. We all compare to some degree, we probably all judge a bit but come on. We should be in this together.
All babies are different. All parents are different. On behalf of myself and lots of other parents, please think before you speak, even if it is all meant in a kind or helpful way!
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- 18 Mar 16

From the second a baby is born, people compare it. To their own, to your others, to their friend’s/brothers/cousins babies. We all do it subconsciously but the majority of us know to keep quiet, all babies are different, as are their parents and the choices we make.

When my first son, Henry, was born, I took him to see some of my friends. He was 5 days old, and the first thing one of them said was ‘oh, he looks much bigger than what Hallie did’. I didn’t think much of it, he was a pound bigger than she was so he probably would look bigger. Another friend asked why I was combination feeding, and one asked what school I would be sending him to. He was being fed that’s the main thing, and I hadn’t thought of schools! It was none of their business at all but suddenly I felt that my closest friends and I were in some sort of competition. Was this what being a mum was about? Whose baby was going to be the best? The first?

As the weeks and months went on, I found myself getting increasingly annoyed at people comments. ‘He’s enormous, whatever size clothes is he in?’ or ‘are you feeding him double cream?’. I’m quite an anxious person as it is (I’m known to my friends as Dr Google) so obviously, I convinced myself I was doing something wrong.

My son sat up, rolled, crawled and walked all at an average age. His one year check showed him to be on the 50th percentile for both height and weight, and he passed all the little test things they do. I was relieved that they didn’t think he was ‘behind’ or anything but I felt awful for feeling that way. If he hadn’t have walked until 18 months or responded to his name until after all his little friends had, it wouldn’t have meant anything was wrong! I then realised that it was all the judging and comparisons that had made me think the way I did. It was plain wrong.

When I fell pregnant with my second, Bertie, I promised myself I wasn’t going to listen to the judgey comparey people. But I did. I found myself comparing him to my first (which is ok because they are mine). What angered me the most was close friends and family constantly making comments.

This is an actual conversation I had with a family member.

‘Is he rolling over yet?’
‘not all the way over – I’m not worried though because he sits up’
‘oh but didn’t Henry roll by now’
‘yes but as I said I’m not worried’
‘he’s sitting quite well I suppose, when did Henry crawl?’
‘7 months’
‘But Bertie is 7 months – he doesn’t look as if he will crawl soon’
‘No he doesn’t. To be honest I have 2 kids under 2 I would quite like him to stay still as long as possible’
‘Haha but you say he’s definitely not rolling over?’

Needless to say I fought the urge to punch them and poured an extremely large glass of wine after they had left. We all compare to some degree, we probably all judge a bit but come on. We should be in this together.
All babies are different. All parents are different. On behalf of myself and lots of other parents, please think before you speak, even if it is all meant in a kind or helpful way!

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Sarah. Mum to two (sometimes) lovely boys. Learning this motherhood malarkey as I go along. Instagram @flinty1 Lover of white wine daily!

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