Double trouble

Naomi Jones - 21 Jun 17

‘How is it with two?’ another Mum asked me at toddler group last week. The baby was balanced on my hip, my toddler sitting still for a rare moment while he ate his snack. I think I said something along the lines of there are good days and bad days but in truth, its more like there are amazing moments and really, really hard moments. Sometimes one right after the other. Sometimes at the same time.

I could have said more to that woman at toddler group, I could have told her how much I love both my boys, how happy they make me. Or how hard I find it sometimes, how tired I am, how non-stop everything feels. That sometimes I’m not sure who I am anymore apart from being a mum. Like a rollercoaster the ups are amazing, the lows come when you don’t always expect them.

My days are longer now than ever before but time has never gone faster – even if there is precious little of it left for me. Life is also louder with two. There is more laughter. And more screaming. Sometimes from the toddler, sometimes from the baby, sometimes when both are happening at the same time, I join them inside my head. Housework now feels endless. There is more washing, more mess to tidy, more food to organise, more to cook. On a good day, when everything’s under control I feel like I’m winning at life, on a bad day, it feels overwhelming. That’s when cbeebies, fish fingers and baby food from a jar are a godsend.

Some things about having a second are indescribably easier though; I’m surer of myself. Less lonely with my chatty toddler and a network of mum friends around. This baby is my last, so I’ve enjoyed it more, mostly because I know those snuggly, milk induced cuddles won’t last forever. Neither, I hope, will the sleepless nights. The toddler constantly entertains and plays with the baby which is really helpful and very cute. Especially when he makes his little brother laugh and my heart explodes into a million tiny pieces.

Second time around I was also better prepared for how alien your body feels when you look in the mirror those first few postpartum months. How sleeping for more than a few hours in a row feels like a distant dream. How snappy it makes me. The difference is this time around I know those feelings are ok and that they pass. Your body heals. Sleep improves. Your pelvic floor (slowly) gets better.

To be honest I think the biggest shock of all about having a second child has been how fast things can change. One moment I feel on top of everything, the next it’s all gone to hell. Just as I re-learn to do something with two, and I’m not talking about big things here, small things like leaving the house on time, feeding everyone, something changes. Weaning starts, the baby learns to crawl and it’s a game changer and I’m back to square one. Maybe the only constant when you have a baby, whether its your first or not, is that things change and you have to keep adapting.

So if anyone asks me again maybe I’ll just say that life with a baby and a toddler is fast paced, incredible, and really hard work, all at the same time. Or maybe I’ll just tell them what someone told my husband when I was still heavily pregnant with number two; apparently it starts to get really good when they’re ‘aged five and seven’. Only four and a half years to go…

Naomi Jones

Proud mum to two small boys, children's author and book reviewer. My debut picture book The Perfect Fit publishes in March 2021. I live in Cornwall with my husband, two boys and a very springy springer spaniel. @NaomiJones_1

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