Eats, Shoots and Leaves? Kind of…

Lorraine Smith - 1 Mar 19

So, this (see image) happened one Sunday morning, not long after we had moved in. They had said the milk here was fresh… They had also said to keep the front gate closed! Chewing the cud (our pot plants) like a teenager chewing gum, the not-bovvered-bovine stared at me for a while before casually lifting its tail, making a deposit and simply wandering off. A cruder version of the phrase “eats, shoots and leaves” came to mind…

Forget your Kate Moss’s and your David Camerons, at this end of the Cotswolds the local (somewhat oblivious) celebrities are the cows. Not particularly fussed by the attention they command, around 500 of these handsome beasts roam free on the common (and around the town) each year from May until the end of October under ancient commoners’ grazing rights. With support from the National Trust, all sorts of breeds – including Longhorns, Herefords and Belgian Blues – play an active part in protecting the local common land from reverting to scrub and woodland, and encouraging wildlife to thrive and rare plants to grow.

Popular with the locals, but typically unperturbed by people (although with each being around a solid 120 stone I probably wouldn’t test that theory), they provide a huge amount of joy, and photo opportunities, for the townsfolk and tourists alike. And as you’d expect from any celebrity they have a significant presence on social media – tweeting @cowsoncommon, trending on #cowsofinstagram and featuring regularly in Facebook profile pics. Yes, for all their indifference they are quite the Beckhams of the bovine world. In fact, they even have their own branded merchandise – Minchmob – a homeware collection of cow-themed mugs, tea-towels and other kitchen must-haves.

However, it is not always plain grazing for these wonderful, yet unwieldy, animals. Celebrity status can also bring attention of the wrong sort. Three years ago, a car-load of pensioners caused a stampede by off-roading, in their Nissan Micra (!), across the common, dangling carrots out of the boot for the cows to chase. Funny as that sounds, and indeed it did feature in that week’s episode of Have I Got News For You, the act was downright dangerous and caused the cows a huge amount of distress. Each year, a number of cows are killed in collisions with cars even though various measures are put in place to warn motorists of their presence. I guess it is in all of our interests to keep the cows safe in order to conserve this ancient tradition of free grazing, not only for our pleasure but for the preservation of the local biodiversity. Their fame; our environment’s fortune. And, afterall, they were here first, long before cars, even Nissan Micras.

Serious stuff aside, we are excited for Marking Day in May when the cows are again let loose to meander around the common, and cause traffic chaos in the town centre – blissfully unaware of both their role in conserving our ecosystem, and their contribution to the town’s culture. So, it is fitting that my first proper blog post on our life in the Cotswolds is about the cows. In fairness, it is all about the cows around here. But I must remember not to wear flip flops on the common this year, and not to walk home from the pub without a torch…

Lorraine Smith

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