Emetophobia and Motherhoood

Michelle Pullen - 29 Feb 16

Emetophobia is an intense phobia that causes overwhelming, intense anxiety pertaining to vomiting. (Thanks Wiki for putting it better than I could). It comes in many different ways, some have a fear of seeing it, some doing it, some everything about it. It is quite a common phobia.

I will try and use as few trigger words as possible so everyone feels comfortable reading.

My Emetophobia is of me doing it, I don’t know when it started, all I know is one day I was feeling a little off colour and my body was about to lose control, I couldn’t breathe, I went sweaty, my heart pounded like nothing I have ever known and eventually I passed out on the floor. I knew this wasn’t the way I should feel about this. Why was I feeling like this? at first I thought I may have just been feeling unwell and this was the symptoms, but then it happened again..

Pregnancy.. I wasn’t thinking about the pregnancy, I was thinking about morning sickness, every single day I dreaded waking up incase it happened. It only happened once in 5 pregnancies and that was due to catching a nasty bug, I felt so awful that in a strange way I was glad to get it out of my system, but all the time trying to keep control. It was a tough 24 hours, but I survived, strange, but that doesn’t make any difference.

Secrets.. I didn’t tell anyone about my phobia, why?.. because you get the usual “Nobody likes being sick!”, so you tend to just not bother. So what secrets did I keep when I didn’t tell anyone, some may seem small to you, but to me they are massive..

1) Crowded Rooms, if I am stuck in a crowded room, I can’t get out, what happens if it happens in front of everyone, not only that imagine passing out in front of everyone through fear! no way..

2) Flying, I overcame this part of my fear, however it wasn’t by myself, will explain further on.

3) Public Toilets, how many people actually wash their hands, you would be surprised at how many don’t, even though I have washed mine, I am then going to have to touch a door that someone has touched that hasn’t. I will hold on to that thanks.

4) BBQ’s and Food in general, cremate that sucker!.. unless that sausage looks like its been sat on that grill since last year it is staying there. The burger may be the size of a 50p but its staying on there. Food poisoning is something I can try and have a bit of control over, my food is always cooked for double the time, I can’t save food that is leftover..nope, I try but it ends up in the bin!.

Really this list could go on and sometimes I surprise myself at the things I won’t do, but I leave the house, some don’t, such is their phobia.

Coming Out.. I don’t know what made me finally talking about my phobia, I just knew that at the time the issue was more important than hiding away. It hasn’t eased it, I will avoid you if you tell me you are “sick”, just incase, even if it is a cold. I will happily announce it over Facebook, thousand don’t and live in constant fear.

Coming Out to the Doctor.. Now this one took me a long time, I was waiting for the “nobody likes being sick” comment, but it didn’t come!, he asked me how I felt and didn’t laugh at me, didn’t ridicule me, didn’t tell me I was stupid (yes I really thought he would!), he gave me a load of tablets and waved goodbye, some may think this was very bad of him, but do you know what it was the best thing he could ever have done for me. It gave me a safety blanket, no longer did I fear things because I had my safety blanket there. I know its not ideal, but its ideal for me.

Motherhood.. So what about children and bugs etc, yes I am easily angered over those that don’t keep their children at home if poorly (check out todays Facebook status!) but my children have the same love and comfort if they are poorly, I look after them and hold their hair, clean them up and comfort them, how?.. don’t know they are my babies, oh and its not me!. That may sound selfish, but yes, on this occasion I am going to be. I then seek out my safety blanket and hope against hope they work!. They have so far.

Childminding.. I have told all of my parents about my phobia and they are really understanding, obviously not to the extent I have opened up here!, they will keep their children off if they are poorly and they are fantastic hand washers!

Outcome.. Will I ever get over it, unless I do exposure therapy, which is ineffective for me as I am not affected by others doing it, their really is no cure. Hypnotherapy?.. maybe but it doesn’t rule my life too much for that. I am getting better!, little things at a time are more manageable, flying remember I said about that, I wimped out and used my safety blanket, not because I was scared of flying but due to travel sickness. I am trying to take control..

One thing with an Emetophobic, we love bleach, in no way am I OCD, I am a firm believer in a little bit of dirt dosnt hurt, I do however believe bleach is my cleaner, and the way to really get me going, a new disinfectant!.. Easily pleased.

Michelle Pullen

I am a mum to 5 beautiful, polite, respectful children.. They fill me with pride every single day, just for being them. I am also a wife to 1. He is my one and only, my bestfriend.. I am a Childminder full time, working 50+ hours a week! In my spare time (the 5 minutes in bed before I crash!) I love to read, but have regular date nights to the cinema, out for dinner and just walking or cycling.

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