Empty Nest Syndrome

Susanna Lewis - 2 Jun 18

I am now officially an empty nester. My three beautiful daughters have left home to start their own lives and I couldn’t be more proud of them all. However, I was totally unprepared for the empty, sinking feeling that I was left with, when my youngest daughter closed her bedroom door for the very last time.

There is so much information on the internet about becoming a new mother, the trials of parenting, and self care for all young parents. Sadly, there is very little advice about empty nesting and all the emotions that are tied up with it. I can honestly say it is THE most life changing event that I have had to go through as a mother.

For over thirty years I have cared for my three daughters. I have fed and clothed them, looked after them in sickness and in health and guided them through their life. I have watched them performing in every school nativity and school assembly. I have been that mother at the school gate with arms aloft ready to hug them after their busy day. I have enjoyed family snuggles in bed every morning and tea and toast watching CBeebies ( or whatever it was twenty years ago ) I have been there with a comforting hug and a giant size chocolate bar when they had their heart broken for the first time. And I was there when they packed their cases and left the family home for the last time.

So, what happened to me when they all left ? I cried. A lot ! I sat in their rooms, on their beds, wondering how on earth I had got to this point. Where had the time gone ? What could I do now ? I felt utterly lost, like someone walking in a dark forest without a map or a torch. And I fell into a deep depression. I wandered around with no purpose to my life. I honestly could not see a light anywhere. Scarily I even struggled to see a future for myself, even with my lovely, caring, supportive husband.  My whole world had been about my children. They were my life and my purpose. I was so unprepared for this shock to my life and my anxiety kicked in to a point where it made me ill.

I started at this time to grieve for my father who had died just a few years earlier. I missed him now more than anything and my inability to talk to him only compounded the sad feelings I had. I felt, in the space of a few years my whole family unit had disintegrated and I was desperate to re live those wonderful years, when my children and father played such a big part of my life.

So how did I cope ? How did I try move on ? Well, it is taking time, but I am finally moving out of the dark depression and into a brighter future. One of the things that saved me was my blog which I started two years ago. I have always loved writing and my blog became my own little world in which I could seek sanctuary when I felt sad. I was not very technical savvy so I had to learn everything, from SEO to Plug Ins ( aren’t they air fresheners ?) I read books till I had double vision and I watched You Tube videos through the night, learning how to set up and run a blog.

And now here I am, two years later with a successful blog that I can call my own. I love the freedom writing gives me and I love been part of the blogging community which gives me great strength and support. I have made so many online friends through my blogging, including others in my position who understand how it feel to be an empty nester. I suddenly don’t feel alone and I now have a purpose to my life, which I really needed.

My husband and I have been making plans for a new start too. We have decided to sell the large family home and downsize to a trendy apartment in the centre of town. We are also looking at spending more time abroad, now we are free of financial constraints of having a family. It is time for a new adventure and a new stage of my life. I won’t say it’s easy as I still miss my daughters every single day, but this is my time now and I want to embrace it fully. I have a grandson aged two and another grandson due in the summer, so it is a joy to have young children around me again. Children to love and spoil ( don’t all grandparents do this ?) and new memories to make. But at the end of the day this is ‘me time’ and after a shaky couple of years, I intend to enjoy my life to the fullest.

Thank you for reading my little post. If you want to visit my blog it would be lovely to see you over there.

Lots of love

Susanna xx

https://ayorkshiregirl.com/

Susanna Lewis

I am a mother, a wife AND a grandmother living in beautiful North Yorkshire. I am also a blogger and freelance writer creating content, specifically for the over 50's. I write about various topics including fashion, travel, pets, beauty, mental health, fitness, menopause and sometimes I throw in an odd recipe or two ! I am passionate about living life to the full whatever your age but I also have a great interest in issues that affect my age group, such as menopause, empty nest syndrome and career changes. I love to write and find it therapeutic and fulfilling. Writing is my sanctuary.

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