Entering Nightmare Territory

Madeleine Thompson - 22 Nov 16

My plan for tonight is a bit silly.  The kids are in bed, the husband is at the gym, I have a mince pie and a glass of milk.  And I’m settling down to watch a scary horror movie.  I love horror movies but I’m pretty crap at watching them and I certainly don’t usually watch them alone.  I usually need my husband to be on the premises, even if he isn’t sitting with me, and I have to have a happy programme on another channel to switch to when it gets really bad.  Tonight,  I suppose the ‘normal’ noises of the house are making me feel a little more secure.  The washing machine is on, the central heating is humming and there are lots of unnecessary lights on.  Plus, husband is due back later.  So I’m hoping I can watch this film and not end up having nightmares. 

Nightmares are very much on my mind at the moment.  My daughter told me this week that she has been having bad dreams about giants and she asked me when they would stop.  I couldn’t tell her when, because I don’t know, nor do I know where the bad dreams are coming from.  I told her simply that I was sure they wouldn’t carry on for long, and that when they come, she should try to think it isn’t real and its just a dream.    

I’ve always been interested in dreams and dreaming.  I am a vivid dreamer.  My dreams happen in technicolour, involving  a mix of people I know and complete strangers, and they are usually set in one location, which is a hybrid of all of my favourite places.  Mostly I enjoy them and I don’t want to wake up if they’re not finished.  Sometimes they are so vivid they affect the way I think of somebody the next day.   Example – I’m a massive fan of the Brat Pack movies and the night I had a dream about being in love with Andrew McArthy and going to the cinema with him turned into a few days of me day-dreaming about it and imagining how I would react when he declared undying adoration for me.    I know, weirdo right?  But I bet I’m not alone.  And I think if you can dream this powerfully in your good dreams, there is always the chance the bad dreams will come and be just as vivid.  I do have nightmares every so often.  I know that nightmares are most common in children but some adults do get them and unfortunately I’m one of them.  I don’t always remember them, but I always wake up with a jolt and feel like I need to pull my quilt up and cover my back.   Strange instincts, probably around self-preservation.   So if nightmares are scary for me as a grown-up, I realise how much scarier they must be for my daughter, especially when I can offer no guarantee they will go away.

I’m still working out most of the parenting stuff in terms of how to be a good parent, and helping the children to have positive experiences of sleep is all in this mix of new things to learn.   Its difficult to provide the assurance that they will fall to sleep quickly, sleep comfortably, and sleep well; and as well as the nightmares, both of my children have experienced night terrors.  My son still does.   The first time my daughter had a night terror, my husband and I were pretty freaked out.   For those of you who are unfamiliar with night terrors, these appear as if they are nightmares but playing out in front of you.   The child is incredibly visibly distressed but they are not awake.  They react very physically and scream a lot but eventually calm down with soothing voices and remember nothing about it the following day.   We learnt that they usually come on when the child has gone to bed extra tired, so we knew when to expect them.   Still, it doesn’t get easier to witness.  The only comfort is in that lack of recall the following day and the fact that they grow out of these quickly.     So perhaps easier to deal with.

I’m going to keep trying to find out as much as I can about childhood sleep and childhood nightmares, so that I can hope to provide some genuine reassurance to my daughter when the bad nights happen.    I would love to hear experiences of SM readers.  Do your children experience nightmares and how have you coped with it?  And did they grow out of it?  Answers on a postcard  – or a comment box. 

In the meantime, I’ll give this film a try and hope it doesn’t make my own dreams murky.

Madeleine Thompson

I am mum to my little chicks, Aisha, 6 and Abel, 4. Originally from Yorkshire, UK, I now live in a little town in the North West. By day, I work for myself as a freelance PA. By night, I indulge my passion for writing.

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