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Everything is DADA

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EVERYTHING IS DADA

I read about Jimmy Fallon’s book called ‘Everything is Mama’ but in our household ’EVERYTHING’ is ’Dada’.  When she was little my daughter wanted me all the time but then after about a year she started to switch and one month it would be all about me and the next month all about her Dad.  To the point sometimes I would go in her room to settle her and she would scream she wanted her ‘Daddy’. She would literally scream until I handed her over to my husband. Now as you can imagine for anyone, but maybe more so for a

SelfishMother.com
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mum, this is pretty heart breaking.  I would say to myself “it’s just a phase” or console myself with the fact that when she was poorly I was still always her first choice. This inevitably caused bouts of ‘mum guilt’.  “I work too much” and “If she wasn’t in nursery 4 days a week she wouldn’t be like this with me” and  “maybe I’m just not that good a mum”. Guilt piled upon guilt, piled upon guilt.  But then I realized my husband actually works 5 days and she still worships the ground he walks on so it wasn’t about any of
SelfishMother.com
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that?

I always wanted to be a mum but I wasn’t one of those people who got super broody every time I held a baby. In fact newborns made me very uneasy. They are so fragile and new and I was always terrified of holding them. Obviously when we had our own daughter those instincts kicked in and  you understand how to hold a baby (thank god) and the rest, well you figure it out as you go. I consider myself to be a good mum. I love being a mum and I really do my best. I make time for her, give her cuddles and kisses and tell her “I love you” every

SelfishMother.com
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day.  But I wouldn’t say I’m a natural. I’m learning all the time. But my husband, the first time I saw him hold my daughter I thought ”he’s a natural”. You know when you look at an athlete, Olympic level, and you say ”wow you were born to be that”. That is how I feel about my husband. He was born to be a Dad. The patience, resolve and just the whole dynamic of their relationship is incredible to watch.

My daughter is about to turn four and there is no doubt she has grown into a Daddy’s girl but I don’t take it to heart anymore.  In fact,

SelfishMother.com
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I love seeing them together and the games they play. One minute my husband has a sparkly cape on and is lifting her up, dancing to Disney Pixar’s Coco Soundtrack and the next he is in a PJ Mask car made out of pillows, dressed as Catboy. Yes, there is a lot of dressing up in our house and dance parties since we bought a disco light!  I have watched her grow into this incredible human being and as her personality has developed I have noticed she is so much more like my husband. They have a different connection. Not better or worse, just different.   I
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understand her so much more now. The other day she asked me why I wear face cream and I said (laughing) “because mummy is getting old”. She looked at me quite seriously and said “no mummy you are lovely”. I thought ”wow at 4 years old you are the one empowering me!”

I’m very fortunate to be surrounded by incredible women, most notably my amazing mum. But I have also been raised by men. With 5 brothers, my own Dad and  Stepdad, I am not short of male influences that’s for sure.  They are all incredible but this particular piece is for my

SelfishMother.com
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husband and with Fathers Day just gone (4 weeks late posting this! How organised am I?)) what better time to write this. We all have self doubt about ourselves but I hope he never has self doubt about what an amazing Dad he is. I do know I couldn’t do it without him and nor would I ever want to.

 

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Emily

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- 11 Jul 19

EVERYTHING IS DADA

I read about Jimmy Fallon’s book called ‘Everything is Mama’ but in our household ‘EVERYTHING’ is ‘Dada’.  When she was little my daughter wanted me all the time but then after about a year she started to switch and one month it would be all about me and the next month all about her Dad.  To the point sometimes I would go in her room to settle her and she would scream she wanted her ‘Daddy’. She would literally scream until I handed her over to my husband. Now as you can imagine for anyone, but maybe more so for a mum, this is pretty heart breaking.  I would say to myself “it’s just a phase” or console myself with the fact that when she was poorly I was still always her first choice. This inevitably caused bouts of ‘mum guilt’.  “I work too much” and “If she wasn’t in nursery 4 days a week she wouldn’t be like this with me” and  “maybe I’m just not that good a mum”. Guilt piled upon guilt, piled upon guilt.  But then I realized my husband actually works 5 days and she still worships the ground he walks on so it wasn’t about any of that?

I always wanted to be a mum but I wasn’t one of those people who got super broody every time I held a baby. In fact newborns made me very uneasy. They are so fragile and new and I was always terrified of holding them. Obviously when we had our own daughter those instincts kicked in and  you understand how to hold a baby (thank god) and the rest, well you figure it out as you go. I consider myself to be a good mum. I love being a mum and I really do my best. I make time for her, give her cuddles and kisses and tell her “I love you” every day.  But I wouldn’t say I’m a natural. I’m learning all the time. But my husband, the first time I saw him hold my daughter I thought “he’s a natural”. You know when you look at an athlete, Olympic level, and you say “wow you were born to be that”. That is how I feel about my husband. He was born to be a Dad. The patience, resolve and just the whole dynamic of their relationship is incredible to watch.

My daughter is about to turn four and there is no doubt she has grown into a Daddy’s girl but I don’t take it to heart anymore.  In fact, I love seeing them together and the games they play. One minute my husband has a sparkly cape on and is lifting her up, dancing to Disney Pixar’s Coco Soundtrack and the next he is in a PJ Mask car made out of pillows, dressed as Catboy. Yes, there is a lot of dressing up in our house and dance parties since we bought a disco light!  I have watched her grow into this incredible human being and as her personality has developed I have noticed she is so much more like my husband. They have a different connection. Not better or worse, just different.   I understand her so much more now. The other day she asked me why I wear face cream and I said (laughing) “because mummy is getting old”. She looked at me quite seriously and said “no mummy you are lovely”. I thought “wow at 4 years old you are the one empowering me!

I’m very fortunate to be surrounded by incredible women, most notably my amazing mum. But I have also been raised by men. With 5 brothers, my own Dad and  Stepdad, I am not short of male influences that’s for sure.  They are all incredible but this particular piece is for my husband and with Fathers Day just gone (4 weeks late posting this! How organised am I?)) what better time to write this. We all have self doubt about ourselves but I hope he never has self doubt about what an amazing Dad he is. I do know I couldn’t do it without him and nor would I ever want to.

 

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