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It’s interesting but a lot of stress in life is down to two key things. What you EXPECT to happen versus the REALITY. When I look back at my writing (especially anything parenting related), there’s always this overarching theme. I expected pregnancy to be one thing but it was something else. I thought birth would be like X and it was actually Y. I thought looking after a baby would be this but it was actually that.
The list goes on.
This morning we set out on a family trip. We were off to the Natural History Museum. It was somewhere I’d loved
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visiting as a child. I’d had lovely times there with my Dad (who enjoys explaining everything in great detail). I think each family trip tends to start with HIGH hopes and then something goes wrong. Well after thirty minutes, things were starting to go downhill. My daughter was cranky. It was grey and cold outside and we kept getting lost. It took ages to find parking and then when we got to the museum there was a queue of four thousand parents with kids waiting to get in.
I looked around and saw that this was one of those scenarios where
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expectation was one thing and reality was a whole different ballgame. We were here to have a great time. We had magnificent memories of coming here as children. We wanted to see dinosaurs. We wanted to be thrilled and excited. Those pesky expectations were going to play havoc today.
About an hour later we got inside. My partner’s expression wasn’t happy. I could tell that his patience was worn thin. Once inside, things weren’t quite as I remembered. For some reason my daughter thought that Paddington would be welcoming us inside (probably
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because it had been in the film we’d watched and I’d kept mentioning it on the drive to keep her interested). So she kept going on and on about bloody Paddington. The bones of the ancient beasts that used to roam the Earth weren’t particularly interesting to this small person.
I won’t bore you with the details because I get it…you know. We’ve all had those family trips where bits of it are okay but essentially you kind of wish you’d stayed at home. The reason I’m flagging it up because I wonder whether I’m just making the same
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mistake over and over.
The expectation of a certain thing rarely lives up to the reality. Sometimes things are BETTER than we expected but quite often they’re a LOT WORSE or just even neutral. This can be applied to just about EVERYTHING in life – holidays, moving home, children’s parties, date nights, new haircuts, miracle beauty creams, the pair of trousers that you thought would change your life, the restaurant that got amazing reviews, weaning, potty training….the whole messy caboodle.
On the way back to the car my daughter lost her
SelfishMother.com
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mind (no food, tiredness, no Paddington welcoming her at the door) and my partner had to carry her kicking and screaming all the way back to the car. People walking past looked at us with pity. I wanted to stop them and say: ‘Listen. There’s an important life lesson here folks! Watch and learn! This is a PERFECT ILLUSTRATION OF EXPECTATION VERSUS REALITY’
The thing is it’s better to not expect too much. Or more accurately, don’t have a set idea of how something will be before it starts. You can apply this to a trip to the Natural History
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Museum and you can apply it to parenting. You can apply it to parenting and you can apply it to life.
Tomorrow might be the day when everything slots into place. Or then again it might not.
But if you didn’t expect it to perfect… then it’s no great loss.
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Anniki Sommerville - 28 Feb 16
It’s interesting but a lot of stress in life is down to two key things. What you EXPECT to happen versus the REALITY. When I look back at my writing (especially anything parenting related), there’s always this overarching theme. I expected pregnancy to be one thing but it was something else. I thought birth would be like X and it was actually Y. I thought looking after a baby would be this but it was actually that.
The list goes on.
This morning we set out on a family trip. We were off to the Natural History Museum. It was somewhere I’d loved visiting as a child. I’d had lovely times there with my Dad (who enjoys explaining everything in great detail). I think each family trip tends to start with HIGH hopes and then something goes wrong. Well after thirty minutes, things were starting to go downhill. My daughter was cranky. It was grey and cold outside and we kept getting lost. It took ages to find parking and then when we got to the museum there was a queue of four thousand parents with kids waiting to get in.
I looked around and saw that this was one of those scenarios where expectation was one thing and reality was a whole different ballgame. We were here to have a great time. We had magnificent memories of coming here as children. We wanted to see dinosaurs. We wanted to be thrilled and excited. Those pesky expectations were going to play havoc today.
About an hour later we got inside. My partner’s expression wasn’t happy. I could tell that his patience was worn thin. Once inside, things weren’t quite as I remembered. For some reason my daughter thought that Paddington would be welcoming us inside (probably because it had been in the film we’d watched and I’d kept mentioning it on the drive to keep her interested). So she kept going on and on about bloody Paddington. The bones of the ancient beasts that used to roam the Earth weren’t particularly interesting to this small person.
I won’t bore you with the details because I get it…you know. We’ve all had those family trips where bits of it are okay but essentially you kind of wish you’d stayed at home. The reason I’m flagging it up because I wonder whether I’m just making the same mistake over and over.
The expectation of a certain thing rarely lives up to the reality. Sometimes things are BETTER than we expected but quite often they’re a LOT WORSE or just even neutral. This can be applied to just about EVERYTHING in life – holidays, moving home, children’s parties, date nights, new haircuts, miracle beauty creams, the pair of trousers that you thought would change your life, the restaurant that got amazing reviews, weaning, potty training….the whole messy caboodle.
On the way back to the car my daughter lost her mind (no food, tiredness, no Paddington welcoming her at the door) and my partner had to carry her kicking and screaming all the way back to the car. People walking past looked at us with pity. I wanted to stop them and say: ‘Listen. There’s an important life lesson here folks! Watch and learn! This is a PERFECT ILLUSTRATION OF EXPECTATION VERSUS REALITY’
The thing is it’s better to not expect too much. Or more accurately, don’t have a set idea of how something will be before it starts. You can apply this to a trip to the Natural History Museum and you can apply it to parenting. You can apply it to parenting and you can apply it to life.
Tomorrow might be the day when everything slots into place. Or then again it might not.
But if you didn’t expect it to perfect… then it’s no great loss.
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I'm Super Editor here at SelfishMother.com and love reading all your fantastic posts and mulling over all the complexities of modern parenting. We have a fantastic and supportive community of writers here and I've learnt just how transformative and therapeutic writing can me. If you've had a bad day then write about it. If you've had a good day- do the same! You'll feel better just airing your thoughts and realising that no one has a master plan.
I'm Mum to a daughter who's 3 and my passions are writing, reading and doing yoga (I love saying that but to be honest I'm no yogi).
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